That Disappeared episode was probably the hardest hour of television I've ever had to watch. I cried so hard during the first section at all the photos. I didn't even think I'd be able to stomach it but I did, and in the end I watched it through a couple of times to get the things I'd missed.
Here are a series of random kinda-replies and thoughts I had while reading from about page 9 onward.
*I don't think I'm the BEST source, but I do feel like I can confirm that PJ or Park or P or whatever we are going to call him in here liked to spend money. Musical equipment, electronics and alcohol, a lot, I noticed. I didn't see that very much with her, but I'll discuss that a bit more later. He spent, and yes, she was the one who stressed the bills. Tammy had told me at one point that he was self-employed with a construction business and it's not good manners to ask if the business is doing well. With the cars, 3 kids, house expenses, she was concerned about finances. I wonder if that was part of the reason the marriage stayed together. They wouldn't be the first couple that couldn't afford divorce.
*I once heard a saying that stuck with me "Suicide is contagious"
*It's weird for me to read about everyone speculating about Tammy and why certain things were certain ways. I think you have to understand her personality type: I promise you know at least one person like this in your life, OK? Quiet, easy smile, the first to ask how you are and exchange pleasantries, kind and considerate. But Tammy was a very private person, especially when it came to what she perceived as negatives, shortcomings, or personal feelings. If she was having an affair, it's something she would have never bragged about. If she was suffering depression, it's likely she would try to downplay that as well. She didn't want to burden other people and she wanted to handle things herself. Given her nature, I am not surprised that she wouldn't want to seek therapy.
*A cheating spouse passcodes a phone. They don't leave it open and unlocked on a counter where her husband or children can access it.
*Poisoning as a theory doesn't make sense to me. I feel like it's trying to make the facts fit and they don't. No one has ever mentioned Tammy vomiting profusely, feeling weak, having intense abdominal pain. We have heard dizzy, high blood pressure and wanting to be in bed. To me those are all anxiety and depression. I would think that given her nurse training, if Tammy had the symptoms of fatal poisoning she would have known to seek medical treatment and the people at work would have seen them that morning.
*What do you consider cheating? Is texting someone else cheating? Sending pictures? Or is it kissing and physical touching? Alienation of affection? When my ex was messaging other women it hurt, when he had an affair it was devastating. If Tammy was talking to an older man back from Northwest Indiana, it's not likely it was a physical affair on a regular basis. Crown Point, Indiana and North Augusta, South Carolina aren't neighbors.
*When I found out that it wasn't PJ and both sons that day, I felt it was more suspicious. Dropping off Carter at Mrs. Russell's house means it was just the husband and a very young child, and young children sometimes don't understand adult situations.
*It wasn't not just PJ that was worried about searchers and neighbors. After the few big group searches, there were small groups branching out and targeting specific areas. Neighbors were getting startled and furious. Someone getting shot was a risk. And there wasn't a huge coordination between these groups so there wasn't centralized planning at all.
*The show was only 45 minutes long, they didn't have time to interview everyone Tammy knew. I believe her employer requested co-workers not be interviewed for the show. Discussing Tammy's illness and symptoms that morning could be seen as violating her privacy.
*Tammy's father has been interviewed by press before. Tammy's mom and one sister were on the show and did beautifully, IMO. I do not know why her father and other sister didn't participate. Perhaps they weren't needed, perhaps they didn't want to, perhaps they were too emotional or nervous. But I don't think that should be seen as suspicious. Mr. and Mrs. Russell are GREAT people. The proof is in their daughters.
*I think that the theory of meds and drinking could have led to a bad outcome.
*I once tried taking a med that caused me to have suicidal urges. It was terrifying. Sleeping a lot and feeling dizzy are also side effects from similar medications.
*Being a single parent is not a "fate worse than death" and that's an incredibly messed up thing to say.
*I'm sorry if I switch back and forth between Tammy IS and Tammy WAS. I really believe she is not alive. I believe she could have ended her life, I believe someone could have harmed her, but I don't believe she would walk away from her family and never look back. Not her kids, not her sisters.
*Here's where I'm going to get controversial. I believe, and I have not heard a word to confirm this FROM them, but I believe that members of the family suspect PJ has done something or knows more than he lets on. I saw evidence of it on the show just in body language and micro-expressions.
You said it was "up", so I assumed he'd been charged or brought in again.