I'm so sad this morning.
The news is full of Robin Williams and his death. It makes me cry that he thought that life was not worth anything for him anymore, so he ended it.
But he also ended the life that his children had before he died.
I feel so sorry for them.
What was he thinking- that he took his life- life that his parents gave him- a gift of life.
I understand that life can be hard, but you leave a legacy for your children through what you do in your life and what they carry away from their parents
is so important. What will his children carry away now?
I'm not heartless here, as I, too, have felt the thought of suicide in my early 20's and the relief it could bring to a life thought so unbearable, that death was
better. Maybe my Boogey-man was not as big as his- I don't know all the demons he was fighting, I only knew mine. I didn't have any addiction to deal with, as
he did. I did have my son- my older son- so young. What would he think of his mother when he knew how she died? That I gave up on life, that I was defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive or, maybe that I gave up on him.
No. That would never do. My children and the love I have for them save my life every day. I didn't bring them into the world to cause them heartache.
Of course, depression is a very big demon- displacing/distorting your life from what it is, to something that it is not - always looming on the horizon for some. It makes life unbearable.
I fault no one who has depression and I judge them not. Everyone has their secret sorrows- some are very deep and the light at the end of that tunnel doesn't shine for them. It becomes
impossible for them to see the end to their depression. Depression is the absence of hope and it's not just being sad- it's that numb feeling- like being dead already. Maybe it's a sickness- a
medical disorder and needs drugs- like diabetes or just a symptom of addictions that some may have. I don't know.
My children love me, and that they are worth living for, even if I sometimes don't believe that, is something that I need in my life to live. I know my
prayers also help. Maybe I am foolish to believe what I believe, but it's what I hold on to everyday.
Listen to the people who love you and if there is no one there for you, for whatever reason, love yourself enough to get some help.
RIP, Robin Williams. May God welcome you with open arms.
Sorry. I know I'm rambling.
Just my thoughts this morning.
Happiness is a choice, not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you choose to be happy. No person will make you happy unless you decide to be happy. Your happiness will not come to you. It can only come from you.
~ Ralph Marston