Why We Love Children
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us
stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from
the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat
belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The
opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her
4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't
come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's
hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the
room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and
running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever
seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE #1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary
school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years
old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are
you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should
ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I
told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her
foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE #2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in
front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my
K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy
staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back
of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches
to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old
daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day
I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in
a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage
of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The
tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned,
'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our
minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made
his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his
playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for
the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto
the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he
goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school.
'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I
can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf
that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
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See y'all when I can :seeya:
:loveyou:
