Travis Alexander's Journals and text messages

[pinkandgreenmom]

I don't know what to think about this. Part of me feels this is just Jodi being Jodi, exaggerating some relatively minor thing and using it to get him to talk to her on the phone, not just through texts. That's the hard thing with her -- she lies so much it's impossible to know whether you're actually going to get some truth or whether it's just lies as usual.

Thank you! I was just going to type the same thing. I think it was manufactured melodrama with some tiny little grain of reality involved.

 

[krkrjx]

LOL, I know just what you mean!

In some ways, Travis's May 26th text isn't all that different from some of his previous angry text messages to her, just maybe a little longer. I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't the May 26th text and whatever she'd done that caused her to finally put in murder plan in action (because I think she'd been at least fantasizing about it for weeks). Maybe it was just her back in Yreka, living her crappy life in her crappy bedroom at her grandparents. Maybe it didn't take something specific to set her off, just the realization that this is what her life is now and since she can't blame herself for where she is, all the chances she blew, she decided it must be Travis who's to blame.

Just looking at how many times he crossed her (every itty bitty disagreement would be that in her way of thinking) and how she cannot deal with being crossed, I think she thought often of making him pay. I think she fantasized about murder before she knew herself that she would actually do it. I think she killed him in her mind every time he pizzed her off by not calling right away or not showing up where she wanted him to, or being with another girl even just as friends.

But by the time she left Arizona in April, she had figured out that she might be able to kill him. I don't think she had an actual plan in place but the wheels were turning. She was probably going over all the ways she had dreamed of doing this and in doing so she came to realize that this was something she could do, should do, wanted to do. He was moving on and she had no ability to deal with what she saw as abandonment.

But...I think something happened on May 26 that changed the killer from wanting to kill to needing to kill. He had to die--not only because he deserved it for having the audacity to not love her--but because she perceived him as a danger to her if he was not silenced.

What happened on or around May 26 that signed his death warrant? Even if she knew before that date that she would kill him, I believe that date is when she realized murder was no longer an option but a necessity. If all she wanted to do was ruin Travis she could have done that easily unless he had something that would discredit her. I think things came to a head on May 26 and I am aching to know what happened that made her know for sure that she did not have much time to act.

The murder happened to protect Jodi's reputation and maybe even to keep her out of jail for whatever it is that she had done. The brutality of the murder was to satisfy her fantasy.

JMO

 

[G&AMom]

Thank you! I was just going to type the same thing. I think it was manufactured melodrama with some tiny little grain of reality involved.

Yes, something along the lines of "OMG, I got 10 parking tickets driving so-and-so's car and the check I wrote to pay them bounced and omg, omg, omg." I wouldn't put it past her.

 

[G&AMom]

OT but I was reading through Kim Anne Whittemore's "Behind the Words" books and found a couple of nuggets:

Someone was asking if John Dixon, a guy Jodi alleged she dated or thought about dating (or something) was a real person. According to Whittemore, he's a Hollywood stuntman.

And Donavan Bering's actual name is Donna Van Bering.

 

[Hope4More]

LOL, I know just what you mean!

In some ways, Travis's May 26th text isn't all that different from some of his previous angry text messages to her, just maybe a little longer. I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't the May 26th text and whatever she'd done that caused her to finally put in murder plan in action (because I think she'd been at least fantasizing about it for weeks). Maybe it was just her back in Yreka, living her crappy life in her crappy bedroom at her grandparents. Maybe it didn't take something specific to set her off, just the realization that this is what her life is now and since she can't blame herself for where she is, all the chances she blew, she decided it must be Travis who's to blame.

I think the May 26 exchange was different in that he seems to have last seen through her. Yes he'd gotten angry before and told her he never wanted to see her again, etc. but this was different.

He really seems to have gained genuine insight about the dynamics of their "relationship.". He accepts responsiblity for his part in having a sexual relationship and tells her he doesn't blame her for that.

What he's realized and is telling her is that she sought him out, manipulated him, lied to him, was never who she said she was, and that all of it- including the sex- was about hating him and/or serving her own purposes, scamming him.

What was different is that he told her he hated her. Repeatedly. Called her a psycho, told her he KNEW she had stolen from him and slashed his tires, etc. He KNEW. She wasn't going to be able to sweet lie herself out of that again.

As she said in the chat- there are no more positives here. Exactly. He wasn't going to give her another ounce of his flesh, minute of his time, or a penny from his spare change jar.

At best he was useless to her. At worst he was a threat to her precious (imaginary) " reputation in the Mormon prey-pool, and a threat to her emotionally, because he had unveiled her and spat in her face.

I'm not sure if the sex tape came up. It doesn't sound like it did before her final email to him, if it did at all.

 

[Hope4More]

So, she returned the journals, right? Or did he just beg and plead and she ignored? Are there some that as far as everyone knows are still missing?

I think it makes sense to assume he wrote about whatever legal problem she was having or at least she assumed he did and she stole the journals for her own protection. If some are still missing I will assume even more that he did write about it.

Maybe all were recovered but some were not allowed at trial and the order is sealed as the order itself might reveal too much from a defense standpoint.

IDK, he wrote about little stuff, big stuff, everything in between. That's not unusual in a journal, I suppose. But if something big or even slightly big was going down in his stalker's life that required legal advice or assistance, I can't imagine he would not have written that in his journal. That's not the kind of thing he would leave out, imo.

She never returned the journals. She must have destroyed them at some point because they were never recovered.

 

[Hope4More]

Thank you! I was just going to type the same thing. I think it was manufactured melodrama with some tiny little grain of reality involved.

Whatever she was alluding to on May 22 , it couldn't have been all that terrible or sensational because T told her even then that he knew what she'd done and wasn't mad.

He essentially tells her that again on the 26th. Whatever it was, the part he found disgusting was that she refused to own up to it, had tried to cover it up even after he told her he knew, and was still lying about it, in an attempt to cover her own arse, as he put it.

 

[samspace070]

May 26.


Travis told her on May 22 that he knew what she had done, and wasn't angry with her. He just insisted that she tell the truth about it.

As far as I can tell, they did not communicate again until the night of May 25 and on into the 26.

I'm not sure I'm remembering the sequence correctly but I think she called him (the "disgusting call"), he emailed her (unavailable or erased by her), he wanted a response but she didn't reply, he texted her she was a sociopath, etc., they began G-chatting , she kept saying she was working on an email to him, by the end of the call Travis is calling the email a worthless piece of sh-t but hasn't seen it yet, the Gchat ends.

We don't have the email. Either she never sent it, or it was deleted after it was received, by either T or the killer.


Here are the snippets that I think offer the only partial clues within the Gchat itself..


T: tell me the truth. tell me you are not sorry. stop faking sorry and I'll stop faking to be through with you.

T: I thought I could break away this time, but you knew one call would reel me back in.

T: .if you want to sneak around just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. you'll get it anyway.

T: the email and everything in it was true, but it was my way of getting you closer. I'm addicted.

J: honestly aside from what I wanted to say, I wanted to hear your voice just once. I'm addicted to.

T : just do what you intend to do.

T: if you want my freakin passwords just ask.

T: whatever you may have found it wasn't bad enough to deter you from whatever your purposes so who freaking cares.

T: I tried to stay away this time but you called. You made sure I heard your voice. You knew that would be enough.

T: please tell me. Why. What was your reasoning. Why did you try to cover it up after I told you I knew? Why do you always lie?

T: you do something that would make any sane person shun you. I lash you and forgive, you do it again and I forgive. 30x. that's how many times you've been caught.

J: I've been a bad influence.
T : I'm not mad about that.
J: I know.
T: why did you get into my facebook after all those times I've forgiven you?
J: because I suck.

T: You're not sorry for invading my privacy. I was just a source of pleasure. You don't care about me.

I thought you were something you were not.

You scammed me and I knew you were scamming me. I think you would choose a dollar bill over my life.

It's the other stuff, the blatant lies that I have a problem with.

T: you are not sorry. I think you are just demented and somehow thought taking from me would benefit you somehow.

T: I don't ask that you be sorry I ask that you don't lie. You're not sorry and I don't care. I'm okay with your not being sorry about that. It was me too.

J : yeah but more me.
T: then why.

T: you aren't who you say you are. So tell me why.


T: you did what you did to reel me in. Why me? Why try to manipulate me into loving you. Why do you hate me? What was your objective? so many times I said if you ever loved me you would just tell me the truth and you looked straight into my eyes and lied and I knew it.

( talks about the terrible pain she's caused him) with you lies, inventions, and the psycho s*** you have subjected me to. you have made me want to die countless times . and how do you repay me for forgiving you? By doing the same thing again.

T: you don't care. Just be honest. Quit lying. Can't you quit. You have only told partial truths to cover up lies.

J: i may be liar, etc. but not violent. Didn't slash your tires.

T: tell the truth. You slashed my tires.


T: I loved someone that never existed. What I thought was real never existed. Finish your elderly worthless email.


T: I know you got into my computer and erased a letter I sent to Lisa. I know you did.

J: No!

T; shut up shut up shut up. no more lies. You stole my journals, slashed my tires and I know it.

And you- after everything -send some BS thing down the pipe as you log onto my facebook.

T: can't everything I've done to help you stop you from taking away what belongs to me?

Even when you say you are telling the truth you are lying, even when you come clean it's a partial version of the truth to serve your purpose.

You have been nothing but a liar from the beginning. You are evil.

********If I was (words missing????! ) it is gone because of you.


T: We already know based on the last emails you sent then invaded my privacy that it is BS.

Don't send me some worthless email with all your bogus lies.

In everything you throw it me it's all an agenda to save your own *advertiser censored*. Just like that disgusting call today.

( the chat ended shortly afterwards).

Tell me something Hope, Why didn't JM use this e-mail about her many many lies she told him. He called her a liar over and over again. She went on national TV and made that ridiculous statement about being a liar. " I may have lied but that doesn't make me a LIAR by definition." Remember that? Nurmi used to get all bent out of shape when JM called it a liar. This email makes it clear that she was exactly that a LIAR all the time about everything.

Could it be that worthless Nurmi got that part of the text sealed because it was too prejudicial? AVL read the bad parts of the text TA said but never mentioned how many times he called he a liar. JM never crossed AVL about the lying part of the texts. Had to be a reason.

 

[samspace070]

I don't know what to think about this. Part of me feels this is just Jodi being Jodi, exaggerating some relatively minor thing and using it to get him to talk to her on the phone, not just through texts. That's the hard thing with her -- she lies so much it's impossible to know whether you're actually going to get some truth or whether it's just lies as usual.

I think you are right about JA being JA. She knew if he HEARD her voice he would relent and forgive her. He said as much. He didn't want to talk to her one on one, but she came up with this stupid incriminating business so he would have to talk to her to find out what it was. Apparently he fell for it.

 

[geevee]

She never returned the journals. She must have destroyed them at some point because they were never recovered.

They may be recovered if the weapons are ever found, they weren't found in her packed items when she planned to flee before being arrested and I sincerely doubt she'd destroy them, I think she had them with her on June 4th and are now wherever the weapons are.

Something unrelated to this - in her secret testimony (and in the letter to T's family or in her manifesto, I don't recall at the moment which) she harps on about that day they were to meet at the Hughes' not long after they first met, he comes 2 hours late and smacks down a stack of cash on a table, being braggy about how much money he's made, and then takes 20 minutes before he ever acknowledges her presence - I think her hatred towards him began then. Whether she ever came to actually love him I don't know, she was obviously obsessed with him but in all the things she'd done to him I can't say, and not sure she was even capable of loving him (or anyone but herself).

I've come to believe she always had a deep dislike of him and maybe always knew at some point she could see herself killing him, he was the white to her black, the dead opposite of the kind of person she was inside and although she could manipulate him and get him to forgive her over and over and allow further manipualtion, by May 26 he wasn't useful to her any longer. The game was up and her fun was done and she was stuck in Yreka and he knew things that would destroy her reputation and make it impossible for her to take advantage of another up and coming Mormon (he already threatened to tell Leslie Udy things, and she knew Ryan). Mostly though, whatever feelings were in her corrupted heart towards Travis, I think lots of hate resided there from nearly the beginning.

 

[krkrjx]

Whatever she was alluding to on May 22 , it couldn't have been all that terrible or sensational because T told her even then that he knew what she'd done and wasn't mad.

He essentially tells her that again on the 26th. Whatever it was, the part he found disgusting was that she refused to own up to it, had tried to cover it up even after he told her he knew, and was still lying about it, in an attempt to cover her own arse, as he put it.

YES! But, she had done that before and he always ended up forgiving her. This time was different.

Something he said to her on or around May 26 made it crystal clear to her that he was not coming around this time, that their relationship was forever broken and could not be repaired. And maybe he dared to say that he had no desire to repair it this time, in a way that she could not deny.

When I look at all the times he seemed fed up but she managed to worm her way back in, I am more than mildly curious about why May 26 was different. Yes, it could be just the culmination but still...why on that day and not any other?

I think the stalker shared the sex tape with someone. Maybe she wanted him to rescue her from whatever new mess she was in and he said no, NO, NO! Maybe that led her to threaten him with the tape being sent out to someone in particular (someone in the church?) or maybe she threatened to have it go viral on the internet. It could be anything, really, but he was really stoked at that time, more so than other times. He was having an awful time reigning his anger in, unlike how he managed to do other times.

It has been said that he was deeply affected by his dad's death. For him to consider her doing(s) as more painful, well, she had to have done something specific...something that for him ran circles around all her past misdeeds. IMO.

 

[krkrjx]

Yes, something along the lines of "OMG, I got 10 parking tickets driving so-and-so's car and the check I wrote to pay them bounced and omg, omg, omg." I wouldn't put it past her.

Yeah, that sounds like how she would over react.

Still, would that be something he would want her to put in writing? Maybe if something like that happened he offered to pay her way out and wanted her promise to pay him back in writing. But it has to be something bigger than that for her to refuse to put it in writing as "can't, too incriminating."

But you are probably on the right track in that it is probably something she blew out of proportion.

 

[krkrjx]

I think you are right about JA being JA. She knew if he HEARD her voice he would relent and forgive her. He said as much. He didn't want to talk to her one on one, but she came up with this stupid incriminating business so he would have to talk to her to find out what it was. Apparently he fell for it.

Something like what you describe could be how she got her foot in the door on June 4. Or, how she managed to get him to allow her stay if she in fact sneaked in.

 

[Hope4More]

They may be recovered if the weapons are ever found, they weren't found in her packed items when she planned to flee before being arrested and I sincerely doubt she'd destroy them, I think she had them with her on June 4th and are now wherever the weapons are.

Something unrelated to this - in her secret testimony (and in the letter to T's family or in her manifesto, I don't recall at the moment which) she harps on about that day they were to meet at the Hughes' not long after they first met, he comes 2 hours late and smacks down a stack of cash on a table, being braggy about how much money he's made, and then takes 20 minutes before he ever acknowledges her presence - I think her hatred towards him began then. Whether she ever came to actually love him I don't know, she was obviously obsessed with him but in all the things she'd done to him I can't say, and not sure she was even capable of loving him (or anyone but herself).

I've come to believe she always had a deep dislike of him and maybe always knew at some point she could see herself killing him, he was the white to her black, the dead opposite of the kind of person she was inside and although she could manipulate him and get him to forgive her over and over and allow further manipualtion, by May 26 he wasn't useful to her any longer. The game was up and her fun was done and she was stuck in Yreka and he knew things that would destroy her reputation and make it impossible for her to take advantage of another up and coming Mormon (he already threatened to tell Leslie Udy things, and she knew Ryan). Mostly though, whatever feelings were in her corrupted heart towards Travis, I think lots of hate resided there from nearly the beginning.

It's at this level of analysis that I concede I just don't have any of the professional background IMO is required to really understand what feelings she's capable of and what in the timeline triggered her "madness."

From her journals and other context my (uneducated) belief is that she held herself together to some extent until fall-winter 2007. Who knows.

As an aside, I haven't seen anyone else bring it up in all this return- revisiting of things, what remains for me one of the creepiest/disturbing things I heard in the trials.

They hadn't even become "official" (always reminds me of Jr high school, the last time I ever heard that phrase til this trial). Clancy leans on Travis while walking down the stairs at a PPL event.

By her account, witnessing this friend help a friend drives her to such despair that she flees to a bathroom, locks herself in, and cries for half an hour.

Then, according to her own testimony, after recovering she tells Travis that it would be sooooooo funny to videotape Clancy and show her boss the videotape the next day.

Made my skin crawl, hearing that testimony.

More bizarre still, as later it became known, it seems that the killer lied about her retreat to the bathroom because she thought it made her seem a victim. In reality she followed Clancy to the bathroom and threatened her to keep away from Travis, because he belonged to the killer.

There's just no way, IMO, for a normal person without 4 degrees to make sense out of that level of twisted madness.

 

[lewcch3]

It's at this level of analysis that I concede I just don't have any of the professional background IMO is required to really understand what feelings she's capable of and what in the timeline triggered her "madness."

From her journals and other context my (uneducated) belief is that she held herself together to some extent until fall-winter 2007. Who knows.

As an aside, I haven't seen anyone else bring it up in all this return- revisiting of things, what remains for me one of the creepiest/disturbing things I heard in the trials.

They hadn't even become "official" (always reminds me of Jr high school, the last time I ever heard that phrase til this trial). Clancy leans on Travis while walking down the stairs at a PPL event.

By her account, witnessing this friend help a friend drives her to such despair that she flees to a bathroom, locks herself in, and cries for half an hour.

Then, according to her own testimony, after recovering she tells Travis that it would be sooooooo funny to videotape Clancy and show her boss the videotape the next day.

Made my skin crawl, hearing that testimony.

More bizarre still, as later it became known, it seems that the killer lied about her retreat to the bathroom because she thought it made her seem a victim. In reality she followed Clancy to the bathroom and threatened her to keep away from Travis, because he belonged to the killer.

There's just no way, IMO, for a normal person without 4 degrees to make sense out of that level of twisted madness.

BBM
Dr. DeMarte comes the closest to ascribing and diagnosing what is the madness within JA. I am thoroughly convinced she has more to say on JA's mental health but was not allowed to as it was deemed too prejudicial to the murder

 

[Tiger09]

I have an associates in psych. To me, it's not sociopath, as she'd not even be able to feel jealousy or rage. It'd be blank, but she'd be way better at playing normal than she is/was. Sociopaths are way better than anyone would think. Her "I love you/I hate you" does fall in line with DeMarte's borderline diagnosis. Life with a borderline can be literally hell. They have no gray area. No type of comprehension of the natural ebbs and flows of typical human behavior. Everything is either the worst or the best. People are placed on pedestals. I was actually diagnosed bipolar, with a misdiagnosis of borderline. I was just incredibly depressed and once medicated and with a good therapist, it was determined borderline was a misdiagnosis. But knowing what I did about borderline personality scared the you know what out of me.

Anyway, theorizing about this new info, I have a couple of theories. I've always thought it odd that the defense harped on Jodi cleaning Travis's house. Especially since there's proof he was a flirt (regarding the french maid pic). I'm curious as to if Jodi was an escort and was being found out. She would need Travis to admit they had sex not in exchange for money, and that perhaps would've been her defense- she was in a "relationship " with her clients. DB has a young son, MM is married. They wouldn't want to be connected to an escort, no matter what the circumstances. I don't think they expected she'd kill Travis, as he wasn't that involved with her in reality.

Sent from my SM-T310 using Tapatalk

 

[Val1]

So, she returned the journals, right? Or did he just beg and plead and she ignored? Are there some that as far as everyone knows are still missing?

I think it makes sense to assume he wrote about whatever legal problem she was having or at least she assumed he did and she stole the journals for her own protection. If some are still missing I will assume even more that he did write about it.

Maybe all were recovered but some were not allowed at trial and the order is sealed as the order itself might reveal too much from a defense standpoint.

IDK, he wrote about little stuff, big stuff, everything in between. That's not unusual in a journal, I suppose. But if something big or even slightly big was going down in his stalker's life that required legal advice or assistance, I can't imagine he would not have written that in his journal. That's not the kind of thing he would leave out, imo.

BBM - I have no way to know what this means or is about, but it did perk my interest when I first saw it.

http://apps.supremecourt.az.gov/aacc/1ca/1capartyindex.htm

ARIAS, JODI ANN 1 CA-CR 15-0302 STATE v. ARIAS
---------------------
2. 12-Jun-2015 FILED: Additional Record on Appeal
Exhibits:
<snipped to the last entry, Page: 8 of 14>

Sealed Items:
Confidential Criminal History Addendum in Sealed Manila Envelope
----------------------

 

[krkrjx]

It's at this level of analysis that I concede I just don't have any of the professional background IMO is required to really understand what feelings she's capable of and what in the timeline triggered her "madness."

From her journals and other context my (uneducated) belief is that she held herself together to some extent until fall-winter 2007. Who knows.

As an aside, I haven't seen anyone else bring it up in all this return- revisiting of things, what remains for me one of the creepiest/disturbing things I heard in the trials.

They hadn't even become "official" (always reminds me of Jr high school, the last time I ever heard that phrase til this trial). Clancy leans on Travis while walking down the stairs at a PPL event.

By her account, witnessing this friend help a friend drives her to such despair that she flees to a bathroom, locks herself in, and cries for half an hour.

Then, according to her own testimony, after recovering she tells Travis that it would be sooooooo funny to videotape Clancy and show her boss the videotape the next day.

Made my skin crawl, hearing that testimony.

More bizarre still, as later it became known, it seems that the killer lied about her retreat to the bathroom because she thought it made her seem a victim. In reality she followed Clancy to the bathroom and threatened her to keep away from Travis, because he belonged to the killer.

There's just no way, IMO, for a normal person without 4 degrees to make sense out of that level of twisted madness.

I think the behaviors you describe is what DeMarte used to diagnose the killer with Borderline Personality Disorder. But there has to also be some psychopathy because Borderlines are more apt to harm themselves than someone else--they have disordered thinking and huge issues with abandonment (and abandonment for them is different than for most citizens) but in order to kill and cover it up so well not just with lies but with going so far out of her way to create various alibis, Arias has to be suffering from more than one disorder. She tried to get everyone to see that she was justified in doing what she did, and I don't think that was just for trial--she really appeared to believe he had this coming and she still believes it, IMO. Such thinking is born of more than just a personality disorder. FGS, I have a personality disorder and I say and do things that others don't understand sometimes but I know damn well it is not okay to kill someone.

 

[sumbunny]

I think that Jodi was trying to dupe Travis into thinking she was pregnant. She mentioned Calendar dates etc and not to worry , she messed up on dates.

 

[Hope4More]

YES! But, she had done that before and he always ended up forgiving her. This time was different.

Something he said to her on or around May 26 made it crystal clear to her that he was not coming around this time, that their relationship was forever broken and could not be repaired. And maybe he dared to say that he had no desire to repair it this time, in a way that she could not deny.

When I look at all the times he seemed fed up but she managed to worm her way back in, I am more than mildly curious about why May 26 was different. Yes, it could be just the culmination but still...why on that day and not any other?

I think the stalker shared the sex tape with someone. Maybe she wanted him to rescue her from whatever new mess she was in and he said no, NO, NO! Maybe that led her to threaten him with the tape being sent out to someone in particular (someone in the church?) or maybe she threatened to have it go viral on the internet. It could be anything, really, but he was really stoked at that time, more so than other times. He was having an awful time reigning his anger in, unlike how he managed to do other times.

It has been said that he was deeply affected by his dad's death. For him to consider her doing(s) as more painful, well, she had to have done something specific...something that for him ran circles around all her past misdeeds. IMO.

Why that day?


First it was just the Hughes telling Travis she couldn't be trusted and that she was a stalking whacko. But..as late as March 2008 the Hughes joked about it rather than telling him to call the cops. Chris was WELL aware of T's contact with her throughout.

Next, after she left, every single friend he spoke with about her echoed what the Hughes had said. But they didn't joke about the situation or her. He received confirmation from everyone he spoke to that she was sick, scary, dangerous.

What he also realized more and more, after she wasn't there to keep him off balance every single frickking day, was that he was lonely, that he loved Lisa, that keeping the killer in his life had cost him his chance with Lisa, and unless he excised her altogether, with anyone else.

I think he realized all that by mid May, and at the same time and earlier felt that everything he had worked for and achieved was at risk...house, career....all of it.

He was worn down, worn out, feeling like things were out of his control, an Eternal Companion no closer, and even after he thought he'd find peace with his tormentor being 1,000 miles away, she just would not relent, would not let him go, would not stop invading his privacy, would not stop trying to destroy his relationships, would not stop trying to provoke him into anger and feeling bad about himself, would not stop lying to him, even after he told her I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

Enough.