My experience with BPD was a little different, but that's because the BPD person is my mother so the relationship is different. That said what others have described is right on the mark I've seen those behaviors out of my mom with her ex-husband. He was either an angel or the devil, never in between for her. With me I was the security blanket and if I didn't behave as such I would be treated as if I didn't matter nor exist to her. Prior to her getting married, when I was in maybe 11 or 12, I remember one time she broke up with one of a very long string of boyfriends and didn't want to sleep in her bed alone so she demanded I sleep in her bed with her. She snored and had a waterbed and I just didn't like sleeping in it. One night I snuck out of her bed and went for my own...she acted as if I had done something worthy of disowning me and treated me like I didn't exist for a week unless she was chiding me for something or directing me to something for her, then all of a sudden it was like nothing happened. Very confusing for a kid, but I learned to adapt to her behavior...err I guess that would be maladapt, but whatever. She's still like that, but now that I'm older (33 :what
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I'm very careful at setting clear and firm boundries with her and that helps in avoiding her undesirable behavior much better.
OT---I'm in the same boat. My mom's got BPD, and I'm an only child (I'm 39), and my dad divorced her 15 years ago, so you can only imagine how bad it gets for me. I stated in an earlier thread, she calls me anywhere from 5-15 times per day, wanting to know every single detail of everything I do, even calling around all mealtimes and wanting to know what I fixed. After that, she wants to know how it tasted. I've had anxiety disorder since I was 15, and my therapist basically told me it was due to my mother and her issues. Now that I live with my dad, for the time being, things have gotten worse. She tries to send him gifts and cards, and I have to "dispose" of them before my dad sees them, because he goes through the roof! My father and I have to make sure she NEVER gets his cell phone number, because she would obsessively call him. Her mood swings are PHENOMENAL, and you NEVER see them coming. She's nice one minute, then SNAP! She hates you, she hangs up on you, curses you, screams at the top of her lungs, etc. She's also SO needy in other areas, as well. She wants me to call the bank for her, to handle all of her personal business, etc. I now refuse. She's also impulsive-money just slips through her fingers, and you can never see ANYTHING to show for it. She's like a petulant child inside a 59 year old body. Of course, she's friendly and outgoing, to others, and they would never BELIEVE she's the way she is to those close to her, of which there are VERY few of us still standing.
I can see why Travis got so tired of Jodi. Being with someone like this is MENTALLY EXHAUSTING! Also, though it's not common for a person with BPD, my mother HAS tried to kill my father, in the past. She pulled a gun on him, and my grandfather (RIP) had to grab it from her. She's dangerous and has NO CONTROL over her anger. Those mood swings can accelerate to a deadly level, especially when a person with this disorder is not satisfied with how things are going in their relationship (as per Jodi AND my mother). Luckily, my dad got out alive, unlike poor Travis. I just don't think he knew what he was dealing with.