OP claimed before he shot Reeva that he had problems sleeping. Remember those late/middle of the night trips to the firing range? The smell of blood, well since he killed Reeva and had her blood pretty much all over him then I would hope that he can at times still smell it. If he couldn't then there would be cause for concern. IMO OP simply claims things in order to not take the blame for anything. He has proven this time and time again. The Tashas incident, he clearly was to blame for that and yet he still refuses to admit it. The only time he sortof took ownership for one of his own actions was when he was pushed while on the stand. And even then he had to add a BUT to it. Yes, he was responsible for shooting/killing Reeva BUT if only she had come out or spoken to him it wouldn't have happened.
MOO
There's no doubt OP has difficulty taking responsibility for his actions. That's a separate issue, though, I think.