RBBM
I was pondering that same thing this morning. I've seen many officers of the court have little understanding of the way an abusive relationship evolves - in many jurisdictions, abuse victims are required to attend mediation with their abusers; exchange children with them, etc. And in some of those jurisdictions, abuse victims could lose custody of their children if they don't comply with court orders. We have a very, very long way to go before people really understand the dynamics behind abuse.
To me, OP's treatment of Reeva is absolutely textbook emotional abuse. Domestic violence almost always begins with emotional abuse and in some cases, it can be far more damaging than physical violence. I believe this goes beyond Oscar and Reeva - whether one believes he intentionally murdered her (or not); whether one believes he was abusive (or just having a bad day)...
If someone you love is being hurt, belittled, threatened, intimidated, criticized, humiliated, etc. by someone they love it isn't ever okay. It isn't fickle and it doesn't take two to tango. Until we change our own definitions, identify abusive behaviours, and hold people accountable when they mistreat others (from the schoolyard bully to the wife batterer) we're destined to replay the same record over and over. Too many people, still, reason and justify abusive behaviours - judges included.
(I know you know all this already, jay-jay, just had to bounce off your great post. Apologies to everyone for my soapbox moment - the judge so cavalierly terming their relationship as fickle really got to me - especially with her track record for domestic violence. But abuse comes in many forms....)
JMO and FWIW