RSBM for focus
I just wanted to say I couldn’t agree more.
I have been diagnosed with both dysthymia and major depression (as well as PTSD). A little over a year ago, after having the worst flashback of my life, I tried to overdose on pills. In the past, I would always think of my children and be able to stop myself. Not this time. Looking back, I might have been experiencing “major depressive disorder with mood-congruent psychotic features” (“Major depressive disorder with mood-congruent psychotic features means that the content of the hallucinations and delusions is consistent with typical depressive themes. These may include feelings of personal inadequacy, guilt, or worthlessness.”) because I was absolutely convinced that they would be better off without me and that they needed a new, healthier mom. Of course, I know that is not true, but that’s what I truly believed at the time.
Major Depression with Psychotic Features
To this day, I don’t remember any of this, but apparently, somehow I managed to call my therapist and then 911. Nor do I remember how I was able to walk downstairs or unlock the door to let the first responders in.
After a couple of days in the neurocardiology unit (I had had a seizure while still in the ER), I was moved to the psych unit.
The following weekend, the kids came to see me there. They were 15 and 13 at the time and fully understood what I had done. I felt so guilty and wanted to make sure they knew it wasn’t their fault. I just kept apologizing to them and telling them how much I loved them, They both told me to stop and gave me the biggest hugs.
There are only five people I have told this to, including the kids. They each have told a couple of their friends that I’m aware of.
I don’t know if Nichol and her daughters’ deaths had anything to do with mental illness. But if she did suffer from a mental disorder, I’m fairly sure there are people who are aware of it, and they will bring it to LE’s attention, if they haven’t already.