FelicityLemon
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I try not to make excuses for the behaviors of those closest to the victim, immediately after a horrific crime. This is the time you will see genuine, uncontrolled and not thought through feelings and emotions and GRIEF. Pure, unadulterated grief. It looks different in different people but you still recognize it as deep pain and grief. I think having to excuse behavior is a red flag in and of itself.
Having affairs or financial problems wouldn't change the traumatic effect of the murder of a loved one- especially a spouse, or the mother of your children. When people have affairs but don't leave, all it tells me is that the couple doesnt want to, won't or cant leave but that they are still connected- for whatever reason. All the stress or anger in the world will not change your feelings of the brutal murder of a loved one- if anything they will add to the trauma and sadness- at least in the early stages.
The husbands words are as odd as his behavior, IMO. There may be another explanation but right now I can't get past that.
Respectfully, I do think that the state of one's marriage can have an effect on how we handle something like this. It could be hurtful or devastating, but in a different way than if they'd just recommitted their vows and were renewing romantic and sexual love than if they were average longterm wedding than if they were on the verge of separating. I can't speak to what stage they were at, but at some point in marriage, many people relish companionship and trust over daily sex and romance. Not all, I know
My family is the same way - we don't wail, wring our hands, gnash our teeth and collapse. It's our way to intellectualize and philosophize rather than emote. It's more comfortable for some of us
Some people search out and desperately need the support and comfort of others, even if it's from strangers or the public via media - it makes me extremely uncomfortable when people assume I'm the same.
It feels so corny to say that people grieve (or handle other emotions) in the way that works for them, but it's so true.