In one message in October, she wrote: 'My whole life is our relationship and comes first over everything.'
Gray told jurors she did not mean it and was prone to exaggeration.
The lawyer said: 'You are prepared to say almost anything to protect Ben Butler and your relationship with him. The mother said: 'No.'
Earlier, Gray told the Old Bailey that she put off calling the emergency services in the wake of her Ellie's death because she was 'gone already' and thought Butler would be blamed.
Giving evidence for a second day, Gray told jurors: 'Mr worst fear came true - exactly what I thought would happen.'
Explaining why she initially lied, she insisted: 'I said those things in reaction because I was terrified they were going to blame him when he has never laid a finger on my child, as they did this before.'
That day, Butler contacted Gray at work and told her to 'come home now', she said. Gray denied that he said anything to her on the phone about Ellie being ill.
She arrived at about 2pm and went to the bathroom before going downstairs.
She said: 'I saw Ben on the floor shaking and I was frightened. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know what was going on. He said to me 'I think Ellie's dead.'
'I said 'what are you talking about'. My whole body froze. I didn't know what to do, I could feel myself shaking.
Note: In the sequence she next describes as she goes to see Ellie, pupils wide etc( previous BBC link's report)
'She was just so still and I could not think, my whole body froze. I got down near her. I tried to breathe air in her mouth. I heard a noise in her stomach and I saw her tummy come up and then this smell - a terrible smell.
