VA - Anjelica "AJ" Hadsell, 18, Norfolk, 3 March 2015 #17

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Mel wants Zach to know his blog touched him deeply. He's driving right now so really trying not to cry. But he thanks Zach for his post.


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Lilibet said:
Zach has just posted something heartfelt and humble on his FB about not blaming JH for things without blaming him too. I'm continually impressed with him during this whole ordeal.

ETA: This post is also on his blog, along with a newer post that is a beautiful message to AJ's bio dad ML.

Thank you Zach, for your heart.
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Would it be within TOS to post Zach's FB post here? Thank you for letting it be known.
 
Well she can use sm to get her word out too. But she chooses not to. My mother had 3 different baby fathers and she was not easy to get along with. But as me and my brothers got older and our different fathers had been moved on to be family men to other families; She would always still tell us to make sure we check on our dads and see how they were doing.

She would say; Just because I don't speak to them, That doesn't mean y'all shouldn't.

But since we was so busy having fun and running around with friends; Then most of the calls would be made during the holidays or if we needed money. Lol. But they understood. And appreciated it as still a ongoing relationship. Which my mother encouraged us to have.
 
FindHG said:
Would it be withing TOS to post the Zach FB post here? Thank you letting it be known.
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I don't know if it's OK to post the links, but if you google Zach Hoffer blog or FB it's easy to find. :)
 
DexterMorgan said:
Well she can use sm to get her word out too. But she chooses not to. My mother had 3 different baby fathers and she was not easy to get along with. But as me and my brothers got older and our different fathers had been moved on to be family men to other families; She would always still tell us to make sure we check on our dads and see how they were doing.

She would say; Just because I don't speak to them, That doesn't mean y'all shouldn't.

But since we was so busy having fun and running around with friends; Then most of the calls would be made during the holidays or if we needed money. Lol. But they understood. And appreciated it as still a ongoing relationship. Which my mother encouraged us to have.
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Mel has no other children. I can't have kids and he chose to love me and marry me knowing Angelica would be his only child.


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brenchen said:
Mel wants Zach to know his blog touched him deeply. He's driving right now so really trying not to cry. But he thanks Zach for his post.


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Click to expand...

It may be that the one good thing to come out of the loss of AJ is for her two Dads to find each other. My hope is that JH can let go of the past too and come together for this beautiful girl. What a healing that would be! And what a fitting tribute to AJ.
 
Just K said:
IMO...There is one common denominator, in this entire case, as it relates to the choices of fathers/father figures, name changes, and broken familial ties. AJ had very little choice in who was replacing the previous father/father figure and extended family. AJ, her half siblings, the fathers and her extended families and her friends are the true victims here. (Again, as I see it.)

This entire snowball began with one woman's poor choices, control issues and possessiveness. IMO!
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I highly agree. Also living with mom who hates dad/step , bio, both would cause turmoil if AJ went against mom. IMO
 
brenchen said:
Mel has no other children. I can't have kids and he chose to love me and marry me knowing Angelica would be his only child.


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Click to expand...

I am so sorry for you guys and Zach. She touched my heart and I didnt even know her whatsoever. So I can only imagine what you guys are feeling.
 
brenchen said:
Another thing that troubles me is when he sent the media to JHs house and how he wiped his mouth while trying to hide what appeared to me to be a smirk. I may be reading too much in to that and it may not have been a smirk, but it did look like one to me. Which means he knew it would drive JH cuckoo for cocoa puffs
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Snipped for clarity to ask question:
Can someone point me to a link for this? I don't recall seeing this and want to watch it.
Thanks in advance!
 
FindHG said:
Would it be within TOS to post Zach's FB post here? Thank you for letting it be known.
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Waaaay back when, when we got permission to share the url to Zach's blog, we were told the 10% rule applies. The FB is not allowed, but the same thing is written both places.
 
mom2six said:
Waaaay back when, when we got permission to share the url to Zach's blog, we were told the 10% rule applies. The FB is not allowed, but the same thing is written both places.
Click to expand...

Yes, I was hoping for a link, but found it. I'm sure Zach will be around to post as he may wish. Thank you mom2six, I've found so much information and insight in your posts through these threads for AJ and her family, brenchen and Zach.
 
katydid23 said:
I used to help run survivor support groups. The vast majority of child abuse survivors that I met never told anyone when they were kids. And it was NOT because they did not trust their loved ones. It was often because of their love for their caretakers.

In my case, for example--- my parents were divorcing and my mom moved her 3 young kids back home. It was the only way she could figure out how to deal with it all at first. I saw how stressed she was, going back to work for first time in many years, dealing with her grief over the divorce. I did not want to add to it by telling her that he little brother was doing 'weird' things to me.

Besides that, he was very loving and caring and attentive. So it was confusing. He did the things that I was needing right then--paying attention, being there for us, walking us home from school, helping with homework, taking us to the movies---and it was our special little secret. Also, there was shame involved. He had a way of convincing me that I was to blame for it anyway.

I couldn't ever tell my father because I KNEW he would probably kill my uncle if he ever found out. Seriously. I could not imagine losing my father so I never ever told him. Ever.
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“Every day that they don’t find something is good for me.“ Billie Dunn
First off, I laugh every time I see your quote^^^

I was very close to a friend who was molested by her bio-dad early on and through about 16, and no one would have guessed. Not even her Mother (even when it was happening under their own roof). Strangely, her twin brothers knew and used to sit outside the door and bang on it crying for their dad to let her go! But it took them years to finally tell.
The parents divorced (for other reasons since the abuse was not known yet), when she was around 13 yrs old. All the children continued to go with dad for weekend visits willingly and with joy. The abuse continued. I always looked at them as very close. They were always laughing and doing fun things. And, my friend always seemed very excited to go visit her dad. We all went shopping once, and he bought her whatever she wanted. It wasn't until years later she told me how she actually had to "re-pay" him for those purchases.

The reason I bring this situation up is because of this; my friend explained (after years of intense therapy and her dad was convicted & jailed) that she really thought at the time that it was no big deal. It was sneaky and fun some times. She was actually brainwashed enough to think she was the "cool" kid for these experiences, or the special one. It wasn't until after he was gone that she was able to see how truly revolting it was what he did to her and the shame was unbearable for her. She did terrible things to hurt herself for years to punish herself for "liking" it. But that wasn't until long after it stopped (maybe 19?).

Because of this particular friend that I had, it makes me think that it's a viable possibility with AJ. Stacy was not the only one that I knew that was abused by their father and thought they were the "cool kid" for a minute. The damage didn't surface for the second girl (different family) until she had her first baby. And, my cousins (brother&sister) had an incestuous relationship and my female cousin had the exact same feelings as the other two. The sorrow, shame and sickness didn't come until much later in life. She has been suffering breakdowns and doing horrible things since.

I bring these situations up because it's the side of abuse that people don't usually know, or talk about. I think that it is more devastating to the victim when they feel even more foolish and shamed because they misunderstood their feelings of pleasure (for lack of a better word). I can't think of how to articulate it correctly.

I am not saying this was the case with AJ. Just another on a long list of possibilities.

AJ could have broken free once she was able to get away to college. I do not think it was a coincidence that she disappeared while on her break and happened to be back home. The money seemed to be a sensitive area for WH also. Every piece of evidence found had a circumstance involving WH. WH was caught in lies, all concerning AJ's disappearance (like when the last time it was she was seen!). He spoke of her in past tense within a week or so of her disappearance...now add in his current drug use, and his past (which by itself would not hold the same weight). And now it's possible that the house is somehow connected to his employment?
People don't lie unless they have reason to. -JMO-

There is no such thing as coincidence in murder!
 
CabinFever said:
“Every day that they don’t find something is good for me.“ Billie Dunn
First off, I laugh every time I see your quote^^^

I was very close to a friend who was molested by her bio-dad early on and through about 16, and no one would have guessed. Not even her Mother (even when it was happening under their own roof). Strangely, her twin brothers knew and used to sit outside the door and bang on it crying for their dad to let her go! But it took them years to finally tell.
The parents divorced (for other reasons since the abuse was not known yet), when she was around 13 yrs old. All the children continued to go with dad for weekend visits willingly and with joy. The abuse continued. I always looked at them as very close. They were always laughing and doing fun things. And, my friend always seemed very excited to go visit her dad. We all went shopping once, and he bought her whatever she wanted. It wasn't until years later she told me how she actually had to "re-pay" him for those purchases.

The reason I bring this situation up is because of this; my friend explained (after years of intense therapy and her dad was convicted & jailed) that she really thought at the time that it was no big deal. It was sneaky and fun some times. She was actually brainwashed enough to think she was the "cool" kid for these experiences, or the special one. It wasn't until after he was gone that she was able to see how truly revolting it was what he did to her and the shame was unbearable for her. She did terrible things to hurt herself for years to punish herself for "liking" it. But that wasn't until long after it stopped (maybe 19?).

Because of this particular friend that I had, it makes me think that it's a viable possibility with AJ. Stacy was not the only one that I knew that was abused by their father and thought they were the "cool kid" for a minute. The damage didn't surface for the second girl (different family) until she had her first baby. And, my cousins (brother&sister) had an incestuous relationship and my female cousin had the exact same feelings as the other two until much later. She has been suffering breakdowns and doing horrible things since.

I bring these situations up because it's the side of abuse that people don't usually know, or talk about. I think that it is more devastating to the victim when they feel even more foolish and shamed because they misunderstood their feelings of pleasure (for lack of a better word). I can't think of how to articulate it correctly.

AJ could have broken free once she was able to get away to college. I do not think it was a coincidence that she disappeared while on her break and happened to be back home. The money seemed to be a sensitive area for WH also. Every piece of evidence found had a circumstance involving WH. WH was caught in lies, all concerning AJ's disappearance (like when the last time it was she was seen!). He spoke of her in past tense within a week or so of her disappearance...now add in his current drug use, and his past (which by itself would not hold the same weight). And now it's possible that the house is somehow connected to his employment?
People don't lie unless they have reason to. -JMO-

There is no such thing as coincidence in murder!
Click to expand...

Thank you for this excellent and very genuine post. Rings very true to me.
 
mom2six said:
Waaaay back when, when we got permission to share the url to Zach's blog, we were told the 10% rule applies. The FB is not allowed, but the same thing is written both places.
Click to expand...

Since he is a V.I and he posted his statement on fb then we should be able to copy and paste the statement. He wants people to know that we should not blame none of AJs parents. So i think a copy and paste would be okay. Jmo. I doubt he would mind us sharing his words here. Jmo.
 
WH got a traffic ticket in 2012 in Southampton county. It's on the court website.
 
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