Found Deceased VA - Nicole Clardy Mittendorff, 31, Woodbridge, 13 April 2016 - #2

[just the facts pls]

I came back to this thread to publicly thank Cary Wiedemann for being willing to cooperate with authorities and hold those accountable for their abuse:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry...efighter-bullying_us_571e2959e4b0d0042da9b3d6

RIP Nicole and thank you for your service.

 

[Deleted member 169742]

Experience Project - major focus is for people with serious illnesses, including depression, to find support. It just shut down. Had a few million people registered

 

[zapped]

I don't think the words of another person killed Nicole but a combination of factors in her life. The words and poor treatment did not help, but Nicole made her choice on how to respond to them and other issues. It is sad that she felt her only option was to end her life when she could have had so much more.


I think these people should be brought to light as bullies, but not murderers. I think a lawsuit would be good. It seems to have been a hostile work environment.

I agree Colette. Im not condoning the actions of the people on that forum but lets not forget about personal accountability for ones actions either.

Suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems and it often destroys more than just one life as loved ones, friends and families are left to deal with the grief, pain and loss.......while the person who takes their own life feels nothing ever again.

 

[IDK]

Hi ... directly prior to Nicoles disappearance ... I observed a Nicole on the social media site called experience project. She had replied to a lady who was distraught over a relationship. She identified herself as 31-35, a runner and emt from the DC suburbs.

As experience project was shutting down I noticed her replies to several questions ... one person urged her to use another site like facebook ... she replied that she had to shut that account down and felt lonely losing EP

I then noticed a good-bye EP letter from her the following morning which she signed nicole ... at EP, users rarely use a real name.

I was unusually concerned when I read the letter ... rather than a general "good bye to EP", like the others were doing, it seemed more like an end of life letter. It was short, I mulled replying. Now, I wish I had that moment back. To say something, anything. I did check her profile, noticed about 30 stories, just a few friends. I did read several of the stories.

Did not see her online again.

EP shut down about a week later.

Prior to the shutdown, EP offered a download of stories and messages to your phone.

I have no idea if that was the same Nicole. But, if it was, that download of her stories might be a real treasure to her family, considering the loss. My impression, after reading a few stories, was there was something there.

I so wish I had replied.

May blessings touch all

May loneliness never arrive at your doorstep

Thank-you so much for sharing this. Peace to you.

 

[Deleted member 169742]

Thank-you so much for sharing this. Peace to you.

Welcome, and to you

 

[Starry Night]

What a lovely lady she was-and so strong and well-trained. This is a loss to the community she served.
I pray for her family because I, as a total stranger, am having a hard time dealing with this vibrant young woman's death. I cannot imagine losing a daughter like Nicole.

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

 

[kimi_SFC]

Hi ... directly prior to Nicoles disappearance ... I observed a Nicole on the social media site called experience project. She had replied to a lady who was distraught over a relationship. She identified herself as 31-35, a runner and emt from the DC suburbs.

As experience project was shutting down I noticed her replies to several questions ... one person urged her to use another site like facebook ... she replied that she had to shut that account down and felt lonely losing EP

I then noticed a good-bye EP letter from her the following morning which she signed nicole ... at EP, users rarely use a real name.

I was unusually concerned when I read the letter ... rather than a general "good bye to EP", like the others were doing, it seemed more like an end of life letter. It was short, I mulled replying. Now, I wish I had that moment back. To say something, anything. I did check her profile, noticed about 30 stories, just a few friends. I did read several of the stories.

Did not see her online again.

EP shut down about a week later.

Prior to the shutdown, EP offered a download of stories and messages to your phone.

I have no idea if that was the same Nicole. But, if it was, that download of her stories might be a real treasure to her family, considering the loss. My impression, after reading a few stories, was there was something there.

I so wish I had replied.

May blessings touch all

May loneliness never arrive at your doorstep

Thank you for your eloquent and insightful post, 2trustworthy. I look forward to hearing more from you!

:welcome4:


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[animlzrule]

I agree Colette. Im not condoning the actions of the people on that forum but lets not forget about personal accountability for ones actions either.

Suicide is a permanent solution for temporary problems and it often destroys more than just one life as loved ones, friends and families are left to deal with the grief, pain and loss.......while the person who takes their own life feels nothing ever again.

BBM I am not attempting to engage in a philosophical debate regarding depression and suicide. But I have to say, the bolded part of this post is a trope that cannot die off soon enough.(Very bad pun not intended) This has become the de facto response to a very complex, painful and misunderstood aspect of mental illness. To say that suicide is a response to a temporary problem is cruelly dismissive, and for many, patently untrue. Yes, the suicide of a loved one (or even not a particularly loved one) is devastating for those left behind and leaves upheaval, grief, anger, guilt and hell in it's wake. Not always, but often. But, even those consequences pale in comparison to the anguish and all encompassing horror of the prospect of a life with no relief in sight for mental pain and hopelessness. For many, many people, mental illnesses such as depression, are chronic, very long term conditions and are not necessarily treatable. I bristle every time I hear that mantra about permanent solution/temporary problem. It's inaccurate in many instances, and it belittles a tragic act of desperation and attempt to end one's unrelenting and intractable pain.

 

[Just K]

I will NEVER put another cent into the boots. I am so disgusted <modsnip> They talk about getting rid of the volunteers. I say get rid of the paid system... Get rid of all these old boy paid firefighters and get back to the basics. Why are any FFs not living in or near the community they serve? It's a lie to say they can't afford to live in NOVA. They are just greedy and want bigger homes. Volunteers don't have to sleep at the station. At the very least, get rid of the overnights. I'm a tax payer and I say it's time for a COMPLETE OVERHAUL!

 

[Lilibet]

BBM I am not attempting to engage in a philosophical debate regarding depression and suicide. But I have to say, the bolded part of this post is a trope that cannot die off soon enough.(Very bad pun not intended) This has become the de facto response to a very complex, painful and misunderstood aspect of mental illness. To say that suicide is a response to a temporary problem is cruelly dismissive, and for many, patently untrue. Yes, the suicide of a loved one (or even not a particularly loved one) is devastating for those left behind and leaves upheaval, grief, anger, guilt and hell in it's wake. Not always, but often. But, even those consequences pale in comparison to the anguish and all encompassing horror of the prospect of a life with no relief in sight for mental pain and hopelessness. For many, many people, mental illnesses such as depression, are chronic, very long term conditions and are not necessarily treatable. I bristle every time I hear that mantra about permanent solution/temporary problem. It's inaccurate in many instances, and it belittles a tragic act of desperation and attempt to end one's unrelenting and intractable pain.

BBM

Thank you for posting this. I have used that phrase myself, and although I didn't mean it to be dismissive or belittling, I can see why it comes across that way. It's quite true that chronic, long term, untreatable pain, whether physical or mental, can drain someone of hope and a desire to keep going. Those of us who have used that expression are in a position of hoping that the pain leading to suicide could still have been fixed, and was, therefore, "temporary." But as you have pointed out, that isn't necessarily the case, and at some point the pain can become too much to bear. I appreciate your input.

 

[SeaEclipse]

Good article in the Washington Post today about the online bullying aspect: https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...pid=hp_local-news_dvorak-345pm:homepage/story

Confirms that FFR has begun an investigation into the posts:

"There is an investigation at Mittendorff&#8217;s firehouse to find out who posted the vicious online attacks and whether they played a role in her suicide.

&#8220;We at Fairfax Fire and Rescue are aware of the posts and are looking into the matter. I assure you that my department can not and will not tolerate bullying of any kind,&#8221; Fairfax County Fire Chief Richard Bowers wrote in a public statement Saturday. &#8220;We will thoroughly investigate this matter and take any appropriate actions needed.&#8221;"

 

[mayita]

I will NEVER put another cent into the boots. I am so disgusted <modsnip> They talk about getting rid of the volunteers. I say get rid of the paid system... Get rid of all these old boy paid firefighters and get back to the basics. Why are any FFs not living in or near the community they serve? It's a lie to say they can't afford to live in NOVA. They are just greedy and want bigger homes. Volunteers don't have to sleep at the station. At the very least, get rid of the overnights. I'm a tax payer and I say it's time for a COMPLETE OVERHAUL!

right there with you.

Since 2014, I have felt a lot of disappointment in LE. No more donations from me either.

 

[Just K]

Good article in the Washington Post today about the online bullying aspect: https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...pid=hp_local-news_dvorak-345pm:homepage/story

Confirms that FFR has begun an investigation into the posts:

"There is an investigation at Mittendorff&#8217;s firehouse to find out who posted the vicious online attacks and whether they played a role in her suicide.

&#8220;We at Fairfax Fire and Rescue are aware of the posts and are looking into the matter. I assure you that my department can not and will not tolerate bullying of any kind,&#8221; Fairfax County Fire Chief Richard Bowers wrote in a public statement Saturday. &#8220;We will thoroughly investigate this matter and take any appropriate actions needed.&#8221;"

An outside team needs to investigate the entire department. I had no idea how steeped in waste the Fire Departments have become... It's just very troubling.

 

[Just K]

right there with you.

Since 2014, I have felt a lot of disappointment in LE. No more donations from me either.

Right and since the majority are paid... where is the freakin' money going? For crab feasts to raise more money???? I am furious!!!

 

[Teche]

O/T My beloved cousin committed suicide 2 days ago. She had experienced chronic pain for the last couple of years. The pain began the moment she woke up in recovery following a gyn procedure. She was given a medication, Lupron Depot. After going through numerous Drs both locally and at 2 teaching hospitals, she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. After a couple of years, she experienced changes in her vision. After many failed attempts to get a diagnosis and treatment, she made the best of her life...continued to smile, made plans for her future. While her husband slept, she wrote suicide notes to her family and a dear friend. She ended her life while sitting under an oak tree along the bayou.
She experienced much pain and found her way to put an end to it. Yes, the family will question, experience much anguish but she's at peace!

BBM I am not attempting to engage in a philosophical debate regarding depression and suicide. But I have to say, the bolded part of this post is a trope that cannot die off soon enough.(Very bad pun not intended) This has become the de facto response to a very complex, painful and misunderstood aspect of mental illness. To say that suicide is a response to a temporary problem is cruelly dismissive, and for many, patently untrue. Yes, the suicide of a loved one (or even not a particularly loved one) is devastating for those left behind and leaves upheaval, grief, anger, guilt and hell in it's wake. Not always, but often. But, even those consequences pale in comparison to the anguish and all encompassing horror of the prospect of a life with no relief in sight for mental pain and hopelessness. For many, many people, mental illnesses such as depression, are chronic, very long term conditions and are not necessarily treatable. I bristle every time I hear that mantra about permanent solution/temporary problem. It's inaccurate in many instances, and it belittles a tragic act of desperation and attempt to end one's unrelenting and intractable pain.

 

[Lilibet]

O/T My beloved cousin committed suicide 2 days ago. She had experienced chronic pain for the last couple of years. The pain began the moment she woke up in recovery following a gyn procedure. She was given a medication, Lupron Depot. After going through numerous Drs both locally and at 2 teaching hospitals, she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. After a couple of years, she experienced changes in her vision. After many failed attempts to get a diagnosis and treatment, she made the best of her life...continued to smile, made plans for her future. While her husband slept, she wrote suicide notes to her family and a dear friend. She ended her life while sitting under an oak tree along the bayou.
She experienced much pain and found her way to put an end to it. Yes, the family will question, experience much anguish but she's at peace!

Big hugs, Teche. I'm so sorry for your loss, and the loss to your family. :heartbeat:

 

[AC's Grandma]

O/T My beloved cousin committed suicide 2 days ago. She had experienced chronic pain for the last couple of years. The pain began the moment she woke up in recovery following a gyn procedure. She was given a medication, Lupron Depot. After going through numerous Drs both locally and at 2 teaching hospitals, she was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. After a couple of years, she experienced changes in her vision. After many failed attempts to get a diagnosis and treatment, she made the best of her life...continued to smile, made plans for her future. While her husband slept, she wrote suicide notes to her family and a dear friend. She ended her life while sitting under an oak tree along the bayou.
She experienced much pain and found her way to put an end to it. Yes, the family will question, experience much anguish but she's at peace!

Teche, I am so sorry for you and your family's loss as well as the suffering your cousin endured for so long. May you all find peace in time.

 

[otto]

I attended an interesting lecture today delivered by a Fullbright Scholar from Virginia. The topic was addressing internationalization of post-secondary students, but the message that is applicable is that if there is bullying and harassment in one part of the community, such as religious diversity tension, it's almost always true that harassment and bullying exists and is accepted throughout the community and is systemic. For example, if it has been, and is, acceptable to reject diversity in religion, then it is understood that it is acceptable to reject gender diversity in the workplace.

The bottom line seems to be that in order to eliminate gender discrimination in the fire department, it has to be understood that all types of discrimination are 100% unacceptable throughout the entire community/society. I'm not sure that I explained that properly, but it seems that the problem of harassment must be widespread, with people believing that it's okay to target others who are different, regardless of that difference.

My understanding is that the US is looking to Canada to learn about how to achieve diversity and inclusion, as that is where it has been achieved successfully.

 

[curiouser_]

So sorry for your loss, teche. &#10084;&#65039;

 

[Damarna]

Teche, I'm holding you and your family close to my heart.