azgrandma I am so sorry for your pain and frustration above. To be honest I've just had to pick my jaw up from the floor while reading your detailed post above. I wouldn't blame you if you regretted becoming a verified insider here, as it has no doubt caused you a good deal of discomfort. I can also say that IMO it's also been a little awkward posting about some things regarding Dylan's case, when someone so closely connected to MR has been present. You have been very patient with us.
I've appreciated your posts and understand that there have been some topics you would have been dreading being asked about, and I've been aware also of those subjects you have clearly made taboo.
I know that a couple of times I have asked you whether there had been any history of domestic violence/abuse, and I really thought you had said that there hadn't been. That said, I realise this is not the sort of thing most people would be comfortable broadcasting in a forum like this. I am really surprised that the only report (which has been uncovered) of this behaviour was the one involving the cringeworthy sex on the lawn/drunken swing at CR. I really thought that could have been a one off incident that had its roots in extreme drunkenness - hence my shock at your references to beatings.
If I have used the word victim in relation to MR, it has been in reference to his position as the parent of a missing child - just like ER. I don't believe for a minute that any poster here has implied that Dylan himself is to blame. I do believe words are being twisted in this respect, when some people are just pointing out that Dylan was most likely acting like a normal young, slightly unpredictable teen.