Custody Hearing - Scheduled for 10/16

[KellyCrash]

Hello all - I am new to the board although I have been actively following posts all along. I am originally from North Carolina and lived in and around Cary for many years before moving out of state after I was married. My sister lives 5 miles from NC & BC's house. What is funny is that even though she is so close to things and my parents are in North Carolina I am the one keeping up with the details of the case, reading everything posted on the media websites, etc, so I have been keeping them up to date on the details of the case even though I live halfway across the country now. I go back to visit my family every 2 or 3 months. When I was back in September I had my sister get in the car with me and we drove past NC & BC's house, even saw his car in the drive, rode through Lochmere and then to where NC's body was found. That is my background info...now to yesterday evening...

My sister called me and started talking in a hushed but excited tone. Here was the conversation:

Sister: "I am sitting in the Chik-fil-A at Waverly Place and the man that murdered his wife just walked in."
Me: "What?!?!?!"
Sister: "He must be with his parents."
Me: "Wonder why he didn't just do through the drive-thru?"
Sister: "I made X (my brother-in-law) switch seats with me so I could watch him more closely."
Me: "Is he good looking?"
Sister: "No! He had a big forehead. He looks like Lurch. He looks really haggard. I'll call you back later with more."
Me: "You've made my day."

Later on she called and left me a message (b/c I was on the phone with my Mom telling her about my sister's call.) In her message my sister said, "I didn't realize how big he is. He is really big. My main takeaway is how sad he seemed, just really sad. Seeing him made me feel really sad."

Thanks for letting me share!

Thanks for sharing your story. I have often wondered if I have ever seen Nancy or Brad out & about. Our daughters went to the same preschool, but I don't ever recall seeing them. I am sure I probably did, but didn't take any notice of them, kwim? I think I would freak if I saw him. I go to that Chick Fil A pretty often too. I wouldn't make a scene or anything, but freak out quietly. LOL

 

[Anderson]

And their children are still alive....

But are they well?? Sleuthy has a post somewhere on the effect that OJ's ordeal and behaviour has had on the children.

 

[rwesafe]

But from what I've read, OJ's kids haven't come through it without a great deal of scars. It hasn't been a great life for them.

From what has been documented, it wasn't a great life for them prior to the death of their mother....my only real point is that...they were not murdered by their fathers....

 

[Anderson]

But from what I've read, OJ's kids haven't come through it without a great deal of scars. It hasn't been a great life for them.

Jinx RKAB Your post went up first and with more information.

 

[boxy]

I maintain that the only way to err on the side of caution is to keep the girls where they are.

I hope the law does not support this view or there could be many of us losing our children with a similar rationale.

There are downsides to leaving the girls in temporary custody with KL and hubby. Their relationship with their biological father is being damaged.

I am beginning to think that the route NC's family has pursued will have major downsides for the girls. When they are older, they will read all about their parents. Why did they have to know that their mother had an affair? Or more than one (I can't really tell whether there were more)? The same for their father. Or that their parents lived beyond their means. The girls will certainly want to know about their father sometime and now they get to read about all the dirt that has been thrown at him, including psychological evaluations.

No one who loves a child seeks to destroy the child's parents or the memory of the parent. I realize that was not the intention of NC's family, but it has certainly been the result and, in my opinion, a completely foreseeable result. A better approach would have been to support the children in their home and let the criminal investigation run it's course. The best interests of the children were stability and privacy. They've lost both.

 

[rwesafe]

But are they well?? Sleuthy has a post somewhere on the effect that OJ's ordeal and behaviour has had on the children.

IMO, that is quiet frankly just taking it a step too far. There are plenty of children who grow up in families that no one would classify as "normal". It has been stated that her very own friends did not ever witness him being inappropriate with his children and NC herself made sure that his custody would remain intact and referred to him as a "fit father" in the separation papers, even draft 2. If we as a society are going to start taking children away from their parents based on what outsiders speculate, then I assert that every dang one of us is in danger of having our little ones snatched away from us! Safety and parenting skills /ideals are different, they should not be clumped together.

 

[cygnusx1]

But we're talking about NC going out of town for what, a week? And she comes home to someone who never cleans not even managing to do it at all while she's away and can't do it herself?

When the wife and kids go out of town, I don't do the dishes until either the day I expect them home, right after they get home, or I run out of dishes. Whichever comes first.

 

[RaleighNC]

Did Brad's mother say she's stay here for a year? I can't remember?

I think he needs to be a little more forceful in wanting / fighting for his children. His Mom should issue another affidavit saying what changes she's made (if in fact she'd moved in), how she's ready to take on the children, that she's talked to re-enrolling them in their pre-school / met with their old teachers, etc.

I see no real preparations being made for the return of the girls'.

This could be done without Brad subjecting himself to the witness stand. It is unfortunate that all these affidavits have been taken out.

Had he taken the high road - I am a good father, I love my children - and said nothing to refute the others and not give SOOOO much rope with which to hang himself - this would be a no brainer and he'd likely have his kids. (IMO)

HE and his attorneys do not sound like they are preparing for a custody battle either - he could have remained steadfast in his assertion that he did not kill his wife, he wants his family back together, he is making changes (more work from home, less hours / less travel) in order to step up his involvement, having his mom move in, etc. But instead, he decided to defend HIMSELF instead of staying focused on what is really the task at hand.

While I don't know what I would do 100% - I have to think that I would shout from the rooftops that I wanted and deserved my kids and say that since I did not murder my wife, it's quite terrible to have them taken from me. In response to the affidavits - I think it would be ok to acknowledge that no marriage is perfect, that sides were being taken in the divorce, but continually - nothing factual is coming out against his fitness as a parent and that is what this is supposed to be about.

He could learn a thing or 2 from the debaters - stay on point no matter what the question.....

And it's almost like you have to drag the desire to have his kids back out of him - it's never offered freely. To me - it appears he's wanting them back just to shore up his defense (i.e. I have to fight or I'll look guilty) and I just don't FEEL that he really wants them.

 

[rwesafe]

Did Brad's mother say she's stay here for a year? I can't remember?

I think he needs to be a little more forceful in wanting / fighting for his children. His Mom should issue another affidavit saying what changes she's made (if in fact she'd moved in), how she's ready to take on the children, that she's talked to re-enrolling them in their pre-school / met with their old teachers, etc.

I see no real preparations being made for the return of the girls'.

This could be done without Brad subjecting himself to the witness stand. It is unfortunate that all these affidavits have been taken out.

Had he taken the high road - I am a good father, I love my children - and said nothing to refute the others and not give SOOOO much rope with which to hang himself - this would be a no brainer and he'd likely have his kids. (IMO)

HE and his attorneys do not sound like they are preparing for a custody battle either - he could have remained steadfast in his assertion that he did not kill his wife, he wants his family back together, he is making changes (more work from home, less hours / less travel) in order to step up his involvement, having his mom move in, etc. But instead, he decided to defend HIMSELF instead of staying focused on what is really the task at hand.

While I don't know what I would do 100% - I have to think that I would shout from the rooftops that I wanted and deserved my kids and say that since I did not murder my wife, it's quite terrible to have them taken from me. In response to the affidavits - I think it would be ok to acknowledge that no marriage is perfect, that sides were being taken in the divorce, but continually - nothing factual is coming out against his fitness as a parent and that is what this is supposed to be about.

He could learn a thing or 2 from the debaters - stay on point no matter what the question.....

And it's almost like you have to drag the desire to have his kids back out of him - it's never offered freely. To me - it appears he's wanting them back just to shore up his defense (i.e. I have to fight or I'll look guilty) and I just don't FEEL that he really wants them.

People should not be damned and or hanged in the court of public opinion because they did not do it the way YOU would have done it. People have different personalities and coping mechanisms....

ETA: And I mean "YOU" in a grossly general term, not specifically you as in you RaleighNC.

 

[ncsu95]

Wow, what a horrible thing for your family to have to go through. My sympathy to you.

Perhaps this makes you a bigger person than me(and I'm not being sarcastic or anything, I really mean it). For myself personally, I just can't get past placing a child with someone that is conceivably a suspect of a violent crime, particularly a crime that has resulted in someone's death. But I have never been in the situation, maybe it is different then, I don't know, but from the outside looking in, I would fight it the same way Nancy's family is.

I'm sure if you asked him....his point of view is that he lost his wife to brain cancer, never tried to harm her in any way, and people are saying he shouldn't have custody of his daughter.

 

[RaleighNC]

I don't call spending all your efforts on what looks like a defense a "coping" mechanism. Anger, sadness, denial, withdrawing, throwing oneself into work, even drinking, etc all coping mechanisms. Hunkering down with your defense team, not so much.

ETA:
I realize that everyone is different and it's not always fair to project, but there's a certain amount of what appears to be sincere and what doesn't - and that is based on your thoughts as to what's normal (and for most of us, we'd hope that what "we'd" do would be normal....)

Life experiences shape your reality - and I do readily admit to never going through anything close to what Brad is going thorough.

 

[NC_butterfly]

IMO, that is quiet frankly just taking it a step too far. There are plenty of children who grow up in families that no one would classify as "normal". It has been stated that her very own friends did not ever witness him being inappropriate with his children and NC herself made sure that his custody would remain intact and referred to him as a "fit father" in the separation papers, even draft 2. If we as a society are going to start taking children away from their parents based on what outsiders speculate, then I assert that every dang one of us is in danger of having our little ones snatched away from us! Safety and parenting skills /ideals are different, they should not be clumped together.

This may be a crazy question, but it was just a thought I had...do you think there's any chance at all that NC may have said BC was a fit father in the separation papers to "appease" him and get him to sign? It sounded like she was really anxious to start her new life and if she had claimed he wasn't a fit father, he could have held up the process even longer. Maybe she thought that once the separation went through and she moved back to Canada, he wouldn't be too hard to deal with due to the distance between them.

Not saying this is what happened, but just wondering out loud...

 

[jmflu]

If I had murdered my spouse and wanted to avoid suspicion, I would have written an obit, expressed grieving publicly, and attended every memorial and service. BC's action in this regard tell us about his personality, which I understand many do not find to their liking, but tell nothing about his guilt or innocence.

What would you have done if you were the loving husband?

 

[ncsu95]

IMO, that is quiet frankly just taking it a step too far. There are plenty of children who grow up in families that no one would classify as "normal". It has been stated that her very own friends did not ever witness him being inappropriate with his children and NC herself made sure that his custody would remain intact and referred to him as a "fit father" in the separation papers, even draft 2. If we as a society are going to start taking children away from their parents based on what outsiders speculate, then I assert that every dang one of us is in danger of having our little ones snatched away from us! Safety and parenting skills /ideals are different, they should not be clumped together.

Exactly. As a father, I can't imagine having my daughter (and daughter #2 due in a few weeks) taken away from me because a bunch of people "believed" that I did something.

 

[jmflu]

Not true...as you will recall he was berated on this very forum for having stated that NC had had an affair in his affi...

But he said it wasn't sexual. Do you think he would have said that if it were?

And I have asked, were he and Krista even talking about the same thing? Is it possible that Krista considers a non-sexual relationship an affair?

I'm sorry folks, you can say that an emotional (but not sexual) relationship with someone other than your spouse can be hurtful and damaging, but I know no one who would call that an "affair."

If someone says someone had an "affair," to me, that means they had "sex."
And normally, it means more than once.

 

[jmflu]

Murder/suicide is not out of the question. Particularly if BC were to sense or get word that there might be an arrest about to happen. I can certainly see him possibly taking the children out and then himself to avoid going to prison.

You know, I've thought about that, too...

 

[ncsu95]

HE and his attorneys do not sound like they are preparing for a custody battle either - he could have remained steadfast in his assertion that he did not kill his wife, he wants his family back together, he is making changes (more work from home, less hours / less travel) in order to step up his involvement, having his mom move in, etc. But instead, he decided to defend HIMSELF instead of staying focused on what is really the task at hand.

The 7 hour deposition wasn't about his ability as a father...it was about trying to get him to slip up so that they could prove he murdered NC. Of course he needs to defend himself. Again, nearly all of the affidavits have been about NCs murder, not his ability as a father. So why wouldn't he defend himself from that. He doesn't need to defend his ability as a father because no one really made claims that he wasn't a good father. So what is there to defend?

 

[ncsu95]

You know, I've thought about that, too...

Neither psychologist believes he is suicidal.

 

[SleuthyGal]

How does a cashier's check not clear ? Any time reference put to that that you can recall.

A Canadian Bank/USA thing? Perhaps it just take more time?

 

[jmflu]

He is one poor control freak IMO.

Maybe that's why he killed her.

Because he couldn't handle her being out of his control.