Although I was not the original poster that you were asking, I will give this a shot. I have known people who rehomed their children (met them online and in person but not my good friends) through a variety of means. It has undone me each time I became aware. In the cases that I know of personally, the kids were indeed difficult and had thrown their families into a tail spin. Adoption, in particular international adoption, can be very traumatic for children because of the first line issues of "am I not wanted" to having to break bonds again and again with those who cared for you. Many kids adopted internationally did not have continual physical contact in terms of love and soothing, struggled with food scarcity, and have learned incredibly unhealthy habits for self-soothing. Placing these fragile kids with families who don't have resources can be devastating all around. Many families who adopt internationally become stretched financially, especially if the paid for the adoption through methods like fundraisers.
So, to your question, what kind of support is out there. I think it depends on where you are located and what your frame of reference for therapy is. Therapy for kids who are traumatized is more effective if the family is engaged rather than just the child-- which means the adults are much more vulnerable. The work needs to be done with not only the child but the family system. All kinds of situations can cause setbacks-- a parent on a business trip, a change in routine, strangers (either highly engaged with them or terrified of them), birthdays, adoption anniversary, triggers that you don't know (limiting foods, requiring a child to eat certain foods, setting limits, control, physical discipline, language barriers). Some families don't have a strong enough structure to withstand the work while others have one over-commiting parent and the other unable.
The experience of the therapist is crucial. These are not situations for novices or for people who are not willing to get supervised. Proven therapies are not always used--- there are many who think that these kids can just be sat upon and controlled. When we see cases here at WS where kids have been killed or severely abused, it is often that the prevailing thought or advice was to make the kids comply. So, there is help out there but parents have to be willing to get it, participate in it and give it the time required.
Social Workers who do home studies should be talking to potential parents about these issues (both of my SWs did with us) and push the conversation b/c many adopting parents are never thinking that this will be their child, their adoption. Parents also need to be cautioned about the potential ongoing costs. Therapies are expensive and often children who have issues need more than one type of therapy-- physical therapy, OT, speech therapy, and mental health counseling. Secondary issues often arise for the other siblings in a home whether birth or adopted.
even in this case, I didn't put any weight in the photos as evidence until the last couple of days. Now though I do believe the photos say it all.
but it's very clear she has 'aged/matured' just as you would expect from any other teenage girl.
dumped & abandoned her in 2013.
@gitana1 I would be particularly interested in hearing your thoughts? (with what we know at this point as I'm sure there's more twists to come)
