BeginnersLuck
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- Jan 19, 2012
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Often there's a real challenge even finding group homes that will take people that have been violent in the past, whether or not that's even meaning they have a record. Or even if that doesn't mean any violence that'd really be overly concerning.
And if they're high functioning enough to have some degree of independence (or even relatively high degree of independence) that can often mean they don't qualify for many homes/facilities either.
I've watched close family friends struggle w/ this for decades now, with now adult kids (both even more than twice the age of majority) who didn't qualify for anything while younger, and absolutely don't now.
One's now in jail, not for anything that they actually did, but for who they were with. But that's part of FAS (one of several dx that particular one has) - not understanding consequences and choices - thus often seeing many end up making horrible friend choices.
The other ended up getting involved in drugs and alcohol at a group home decades ago, which started a spiral they've never gotten out of. There's not a rehab place, sober living place, group home, etc. that will take them.
And both are so old that they are more than capable of choosing to refuse to live with their parents. Which only leads to more problems.
And these were highly involved parents - adopted both of them knowing there were issues, but not the extent as that was long before significant testing was really done or possible - at least one parent always home. Constant researching of therapies, possibilities, resources, etc. None of that is true in many families, unfortunately.
And even watching friends with much younger kids with varying special needs - including one who is severely autistic (and physically aggressive, w/ a parent who has a background in special needs) who isn't even into double digit age yet, but physically is capable of taking down a football player father even. They're not needing other resources yet, but because their child is bright, doesn't qualify for the same therapies as others, and because the child is violent, then most school programs or therapies won't take the child. Which leaves them...stuck. They've been told the only thing to do is institutionalize their child, which is not an option to them. But they've been told no one else would ever take the child.
It can be a very, very tricky road - even with highly involved parents who were pursuing things from the get go and very hands on.
I just did a quick google search and there are many parents with children that have disabilities and due to their violent behavior and the danger they posed to others in the family, they have put them in group homes.
Maybe there aren't enough group homes? I honestly can't imagine this guy and Lanza not qualifying. One parent was told by CPS if they didn't place the child in a group home they would remove the other children from the home for their safety.
I know it has to be a terribly hard decision to make for family members, but a supervised situation where there are trained staff and programs is by far more beneficial for all, than the entire family suffering horribly and the high potential for a tragedy to occur.
Sometimes you have to work the system very hard to get things accomplished, but it can be done with the cooperation of doctors and other community resources.