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Thank you for including those old visual snow posts. It had been a long time since I’d seen them and I’m reminded that BK’s descriptions seemed quite vivid and the confusion and despair strong.Thank you for expressing my feelings so well! I share your belief in humane treatment. And like you, I want to try to understand what lay behind his actions.
It seems to me that what he endured in his teens with his visual snow and emotions was torture and explains (not excuses) a lot. I can’t imagine going through what he experienced in his teens. I’m not sure if the visual snow resolved, but I doubt the “disconnection” he described from family and others did. The linked post below contains a few of his posts to a visual snow group describing how he felt. The last one is particularly intense. He was clearly extremely troubled.
Watching the Peacock documentary, and they briefly showed a post BK made in a "visual snow" group. I found graphics of them, and find them pretty telling. Looks like from 2011 when he was 17? They've probably been posted here before, but might be interesting to revisit. There are 4. There's more details in the documentary at around the 36 min. mark (Angenette Levy narrates some of his posts). Also, possible relevance, when he started to lose weight he started boxing, so may be an aspect of the blunt force trauma on Kaylee.
I think what he experienced could have led to intense anger, thinking “Why is everyone else normal and I’m not?” As someone who became physically disabled in my old age, I sometimes look at others my age who are able to walk easily and I feel a brief flash of anger at them…it’s not fair! Of course, I don’t allow myself to wallow in that emotion because I know it’s irrational and I don’t want to feel that way about people. But for someone with mental illness, it would be easy to become consumed by that anger and want to hurt those “normal” people having such a great life.
Trying to understand the mind of BK isn’t making excuses or minimizing what he did to Kaylee, Maddie, Xana and Ethan. Trying to understand why they were murdered honors their memories IMO.
I like your idea that trying to understand why the four were murdered honors their memories. I hadn’t thought of it quite like that, but it rings true. If better understanding could lead to greater early intervention of an informed and sensible type, maybe eventually fewer innocents would be lost to violence.