SIDEBAR #29- Arias/Alexander forum

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  • #621
sadly lavender gives my migraines
Hi Zoey, I get migraines too from the smell of certain things. I was on Ambien a long while and it put me to sleep and 45 minutes later I was wide awake. My doctor suggested three mg of melatonin and it worked for awhile. And then my body just started going to sleep on its on. I don't need anything now. But if it is a really sleepless night I use Benadryl and it works. Sometimes, if I don't have a busy day ahead and I cannot sleep, I force myself to get up and read. I hate it because I am so comfortable in bed but it always works for me. I hate to just lie awake and stare at the ceiling.
 
  • #622
sadly lavender gives my migraines
Try Excedrin with Caffeine for Migraines. It works for me if I take it early on, takes 20 min. to kick in.
 
  • #623
I have a serious question. What do we do to stay in touch when this trial is over? There are these screen names running though my thoughts daily. I wonder how y'all are, if you are well, what your thoughts are on the happenings in court, etc. and I was never on WS until the Arias trial. I hate that she gave all of us a common thread. I would much rather know that Travis is alive and we had never known the name of Jodi Arias. Too late for that. I cannot wait for Jodi to receive her sentence. But I am really going to miss everyone. Am I crazy?

We, the people of WS, seem to seldom leave, so you shall have your friends here and there. The Sidebar will be up for awhile so pop in here. Many flock to the next case of their choice, and you'll run into some of us wherever you go! You can always find your closest friends so don't worry. :happydance:
 
  • #624
Don't think I've ever read anything by George, but if the above is standard for him, I've been lucky. From that blog he says "What people don't realize is that few of these wounds were mortal". That's his defense? How many mortal wounds does it take in England for it to be murder, George?:thinking:

This isn't from England, so it's not George... but they are smoking from the same pipe. Just say no to drugs, kids.

"This case has drawn an astronomical number of vocal trolls that have consistently spread anti-Arias hate and venom. These trolls all claim to have watched the whole trial and know everything. What these trolls are clueless about are the hours of the trial that they have never seen! That was the numerous fights over evidence and admissibility in Judge Stephens’ chambers where the press, their cameras and public was excluded.

I hear the trolls say, 'But she stabbed him so many times!' What people don't realize is that few of these wounds were mortal. The human body is so amazing that it will continue to fight to survive.

A somewhat frail woman realistically would have to stab a stronger male numerous tines (sic) before he would begin to weaken or expire. Superficial wounds inflicted by a weaker female would do little but invite more aggression from a stronger male."
http://www.crimefilenews.com/2014/09/expect-more-surprises-in-jodi-arias-case.html

OK, first of all, "astronomical"? Really? And "troll"? I guess he doesn't understand what that means in this context.

"In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people,[1] by posting inflammatory,[2] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[3] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet)

Never mind. Hyperbole and the misuse of internet terminology are by far the least of this guy's sins. So is he saying that "death by a thousand cuts" wouldn't be murder because no individual cut was mortal? Or that if you (for example) behead someone after giving them the full Braveheart treatment, none of that other stuff counts? And speaking of Mel Gibson, what would this guy say about the death of Jesus Christ? I have neither seen the movie nor read the book, but wasn't the "mortal wound" a stab from a Roman sword? Does nothing leading up to that count? If that's the case, history seems to have made a pretty big deal over "nothing."

WHO ARE THESE IDIOTS? How many times were they dropped on their heads when they were babies?

• ..."trolls that have consistently spread anti-Arias hate... claim to have watched the whole trial and know everything... hours of the trial that they have never seen!"
The anti-Arias hate is consistent because she is consistently hateful. No big mystery there. What the "trolls" haven't seen does not matter. Nothing that may have gone on behind closed doors can even begin to balance the scales. Too many facts are known about the crime and about Jodi herself; what isn't known is irrelevant.

• "I hear the trolls say, 'But she stabbed him so many times!' What people don't realize is that few of these wounds were mortal." Easy, big fella. What you don't realize is that only one of the stab wounds was fatal -- that being the stab to the heart. People and trolls alike are well aware that the other nearly-30 stab wounds were superficial. Ever wonder how she got the nickname "Stabby"? Yes, she did use the knife to slit his throat (another fatal wound), but that's not a "stab." Then we have the shot to the head (also not a stab wound), but I think that has to be considered "potentially fatal," since he was already dead when she shot him. OK, so out of the 30 wounds altogether (approx.) one was a fatal stab wound, one was a slit throat (fatal), and one was a shot to the head was (fatal had he not already been dead). So what? What could your point possibly be?

• "The human body is so amazing that it will continue to fight to survive." Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's exactly what Travis did. He might have actually survived had it not been for the three mortal wounds (see above).

• "A somewhat frail woman realistically would have to stab a stronger male numerous tines (sic) before he would begin to weaken or expire." Which, again, is exactly what happened. Does this guy remember whose side he claims to be on?

• "Superficial wounds inflicted by a weaker female would do little but invite more aggression from a stronger male." Maybe it's just me, but I'd expect superficial wounds from anybody would invite aggression from whomever they were wounding. I know I'd be pretty pissed off. Male/female, stronger/weaker is irrelevant. I'd expect an aggressive response, but that appears not to have been the case in this instance. Jodi may or may not have hurt one or more fingers, who the hell knows. (The only thing I'm prepared to say about any of Jodi's fingers is that she has full use of the middle ones.) Travis died trying to escape from Jodi, not attack her. The superficial wounds invited flight, not fight. The mortal wounds made flight impossible.
 
  • #625
I will research anything he is prescribed ~~they were supposedly going to dmscuss zoloft or wellbutien(sorry about spelling) I also want something for anxiety. He needs something!

I was thinking about you and your husband today and how you were both doing.

Zoloft helped me a lot when I was going thru a rough patch about 10 years ago. It made me feel more normal- that I could overcome some of my problems and it did help a lot. I don't think I could have done it without Zoloft back then ( with the help of a therapist, too). I was feeling quite "numb" and paralyzed with what was happening at the time before taking Zoloft. I didn't have any side affects either, BTW.

My husband took Wellbutin to stop smoking, but he had to get off of it because it made him a zombie.

Meds are different for different people, so I think that your husband's therapist may be worried about the side affects? especially since he tried suicide? If you or your husband are not confident in the therapist, maybe you can ask for another?

As always, make sure you take care of yourself- you are important, too. These problems can be hard to handle and in reality, it's up to your husband and his therapist to "fix" them.

Take care, Zoey :blowkiss:
 
  • #626
Hi all. I need to vent about something so what better place than the sidebar ? I will prob post this in the depression forum too bc I did make an appointment with a therapist out here so I could talk to them about this. I haven't posted in awhile bc I have been so busy w three kids under three and we just moved 8 hours away to ohio. I am so miserable here. We are in a very nice town, family friendly, nice people, etc.. But it's not home. I am a major homebody and was completely opposed to this move. My husband took a job out here to be closer to his dad and I am sick over it. He is an only child and i think has dad issues from his childhood, i think his dad was behind pressuring him to take this job here but my husband denies it. My whole family and i am very close to and I wanted my kids to grow up where I grew up...not here. I seriously contemplate taking the kids and getting on I-80 and driving back to where I grew up every single day. Everyone says to give it a few months and I am trying. I go to the gym, have been making friends, going to start job searching as soon as the baby is 12 weeks old, but i just don't see myself staying here. My husband basically gave me no choice and we moved 2 weeks after my son was born. I just want to go home :(. Has anyone else ever experienced this? I told myself if i don't feel better in a year I'm taking the kids back home with or without my husband. I told him we could move out here to try it but that if i don't like it we are moving back and he agreed to this. Am I completely insane? He's a cop it's not like we moved here for some huge pay raise or a transfer or better work opportunity. It was a lateral employment move. I'm just so angry and i really don't feel in my heart that this move was a good idea. I did it for my kids and to keep the family together. Ugh i feel bad complaining but I need to vent

Good to see you here again, Molly :wave: You could, as someone mentioned, have some postpartum blues which can certainly affect your mood and perspective on things. That's one consideration.
Another consideration is, where do you have the most family support ? You have three very small children, and family support is important if you can have it. Was it available in your previous home town more than where you are now ? If so, I would encourage you to explain this to your husband, and tell him how much you need that family support. And, that this is more important than just living in some place because he just had an inkling to change jobs. I do think it's important to keep the family together, but sometimes us women have to stand up to our men, sometimes they just...ahemmm...don't get things right away, if you know what I mean. :wink: Good luck, and God Bless. Hope everything turns out ok. :seeya: :hug:
 
  • #627
I forgot all about Autumn and how beautiful the weather is!

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  • #628
Thank you me bee and kensie for taking the time to reply to me. Membee I'm so sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad it all worked out. I keep telling myself things happen for reasons and it will all work out but it's just so hard to see that right now. My issue is, i already almost left my husband several times and he knows I'm on my last straw. His dad is here and thats it, plus extended family, his mom lives where we are from. I do not like his dad and think hes a bad influence on my husband and don't want my two young sons growing up thinking the way he and his dad behave when together is normal. I guess I'm saying im willing to move back with or without him in a year or two. I basically am a single mom anyway bc when he's not working hes in the backyard or garage hanging out with his dad. It's not normal

Oh, just read this post. If your husband is as you say, that's not good or healthy for you or your children. So, do you have family back home you can live or stay with ? If so, I would go home to them. Maybe your dear hubby needs, like many others, a wake up call to get his priorities straight. Especially if you are as miserable as you say you are.
 
  • #629
I am pizzed that psychiatrist appears to only be addressing him having problems sleeping. He is doing ok ~~ there are times we are walking on eggshells around here. Afraid of "triggers". He is still in intensive therapy (thankfully he is going by himself cause I need my time ( hope that doesn't sound heartless but...)
I'm still stressed but ~~i am hoping that I will be able to run away November 18th--just crazy around here. Ohhhhhhhh his older brother told my SIL that it was to bad he didn't have a gun!!! I'm still dealing with that one! DH admires brother. Gag me!

Oh no !!! :eek: How much time does your DH spend around this older brother, zoey ? He sounds scary and very destructive and dangerous. Oh dear .... :(
 
  • #630
This isn't from England, so it's not George... but they are smoking from the same pipe. Just say no to drugs, kids.

"This case has drawn an astronomical number of vocal trolls that have consistently spread anti-Arias hate and venom. These trolls all claim to have watched the whole trial and know everything. What these trolls are clueless about are the hours of the trial that they have never seen! That was the numerous fights over evidence and admissibility in Judge Stephens’ chambers where the press, their cameras and public was excluded.

I hear the trolls say, 'But she stabbed him so many times!' What people don't realize is that few of these wounds were mortal. The human body is so amazing that it will continue to fight to survive. Yes it is amazing, Travis fought to the death each and every stab wound was mortal. and the throat slashing is a given.

A somewhat frail woman realistically would have to stab a stronger male numerous tines (sic) before he would begin to weaken or expire. Superficial wounds inflicted by a weaker female would do little but invite more aggression from a stronger male."
http://www.crimefilenews.com/2014/09/expect-more-surprises-in-jodi-arias-case.html

Jodi was far from frail. She'd spent the last eighteen months hiking with Travis, she was in shape. And yes, Jodi stab Travis many times in a rage because she wasn't the one, and would never be


OK, first of all, "astronomical"? Really? And "troll"? I guess he doesn't understand what that means in this context.

"In Internet slang, a troll (/ˈtroʊl/, /ˈtrɒl/) is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people,[1] by posting inflammatory,[2] extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response[3] or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_(Internet) Such as Jodi and family

Never mind. Hyperbole and the misuse of internet terminology are by far the least of this guy's sins. So is he saying that "death by a thousand cuts" wouldn't be murder because no individual cut was mortal? Or that if you (for example) behead someone after giving them the full Braveheart treatment, none of that other stuff counts? And speaking of Mel Gibson, what would this guy say about the death of Jesus Christ? I have neither seen the movie nor read the book, but wasn't the "mortal wound" a stab from a Roman sword? Does nothing leading up to that count? If that's the case, history seems to have made a pretty big deal over "nothing."

WHO ARE THESE IDIOTS? How many times were they dropped on their heads when they were babies?

• ..."trolls that have consistently spread anti-Arias hate... claim to have watched the whole trial and know everything... hours of the trial that they have never seen!"
The anti-Arias hate is consistent because she is consistently hateful. No big mystery there. What the "trolls" haven't seen does not matter. Nothing that may have gone on behind closed doors can even begin to balance the scales. Too many facts are known about the crime and about Jodi herself; what isn't known is irrelevant.

• "I hear the trolls say, 'But she stabbed him so many times!' What people don't realize is that few of these wounds were mortal." Easy, big fella. What you don't realize is that only one of the stab wounds was fatal -- that being the stab to the heart. People and trolls alike are well aware that the other nearly-30 stab wounds were superficial. Ever wonder how she got the nickname "Stabby"? Yes, she did use the knife to slit his throat (another fatal wound), but that's not a "stab." Then we have the shot to the head (also not a stab wound), but I think that has to be considered "potentially fatal," since he was already dead when she shot him. OK, so out of the 30 wounds altogether (approx.) one was a fatal stab wound, one was a slit throat (fatal), and one was a shot to the head was (fatal had he not already been dead). So what? What could your point possibly be?

• "The human body is so amazing that it will continue to fight to survive." Correct me if I'm wrong, but that's exactly what Travis did. He might have actually survived had it not been for the three mortal wounds (see above).

• "A somewhat frail woman realistically would have to stab a stronger male numerous tines (sic) before he would begin to weaken or expire." Which, again, is exactly what happened. Does this guy remember whose side he claims to be on?

• "Superficial wounds inflicted by a weaker female would do little but invite more aggression from a stronger male." Maybe it's just me, but I'd expect superficial wounds from anybody would invite aggression from whomever they were wounding. I know I'd be pretty pissed off. Male/female, stronger/weaker is irrelevant. I'd expect an aggressive response, but that appears not to have been the case in this instance. Jodi may or may not have hurt one or more fingers, who the hell knows. (The only thing I'm prepared to say about any of Jodi's fingers is that she has full use of the middle ones.) Travis died trying to escape from Jodi, not attack her. The superficial wounds invited flight, not fight. The mortal wounds made flight impossible.

and these people attended the trial faithfully every day, and saw the the same more or less what we did in the comfort of our homes, and makes a conscious decision to ignore what is before them.
 
  • #631
OK T, first - OMG, my mouth is watering for biscuits with butter/blackberry or honey - yummmm . . . ok, so I will just gulp my diet pepsi and pretend to be satiated (sic?).

Nurmi's practice that focuses on defending sex offenders must present a real dilemma for him when defending JA. He knows she was a willing participant in the relationship with TA. It really takes a special ability for an Atty to represent someone with this type of allegation against them. I know that I still want really good Attys out there who are willing and able and excel in this area - god forbid someone close to me were ever to be accused of this crime! Nurmi must recognize the "holes" (so sorry for that wording) in JA's story about being forced into sexual acts by TA.

ok - I better not say anymore, I really meant for this post to be a serious one but I don't think I can pull it off at this point. carry on




How many in this have to do with minors? Fighting to get child molesters off, he should be ashamed. Think of how many photos of victims he's seen in his chosen career. In Texas it was that you had to be a minor for it to be indecent exposure. We had a crazy psych man back in the 80's and he opened his pants and got busy in front of my eight year old niece. LE said my sister her mother, was over ten and shouldn't be offended.


Sexual Assault • Sex Conduct with a Minor • Indecent Exposure
Sexual Exploitation of a Minor • Sexual Abuse • Molestation of a Child



and he did have ( I posted it before) a big ego saying you might know me , I was Jodi's Arais attorney, as if him losing that round was a good thing and he'd have all kinds of perverts banging down his door.

WenWen, are you going to be lamb and give of your typing skills for those of us that need to read it , than just hearing it?
 
  • #632
Just a quick rant~~still cant believe DH hasn't been prescribed anti depressant. Totally shocked!!!!!

Zoey...this is what you do....we did it, and so have others

1. Ask for another doctor....and document it all....what this guy said, time date and ask for a copy of his report....Your husband can ask for copies of his file at anytime...they cannot say no.

2. If they say no to another doctor or you are not statistfied with the next doctor go to the PATIENT ADVOCATE and file a complaint....make sure you document...document...document

3. If still not satisfied or fed up then, find out which congressman is more favorable to service man and File a CONGRESSIONSAL INQUIRY....

Let me tell you, none of the government agencies want this to happen....this is the worse investigation they could ever want to happen...it is worse then having an IRS audit...

4. let the local news papers and station know what is going on, there is always one more favorable then others or they will have a segment of solving problems...the VA is hiding so much now and they are under investigation already....that this appears to be another numbers issue...sweep the vets under the rug....trying not to give them their care

We have done this....Congressional Inquiries are not fun for them....You should beable to fill out the info on line after calling the congressperson office and getting a contact person. That person should stay in contact with you and you with them. Keep at it...don't give up.

I so wish we still lived in your area...did back in the 80's...I would be there with you fighting all the way...all I can do it give you advice from afar. Keep at it...it is a long haul....I think something is fishy...and I bet they don't want any more vets applying for a disability...which happens when they are diagnosed....so do what I said above....your husband is authorized to see other doctors....my husband went through 3 before he found one....please do what I said above....any flack, even with patient advocate....go to your congressman...and news paper. Love and prayers and slurps. Lynn and BonnieBubbles😘
 
  • #633
Hi all. I need to vent about something so what better place than the sidebar ? I will prob post this in the depression forum too bc I did make an appointment with a therapist out here so I could talk to them about this. I haven't posted in awhile bc I have been so busy w three kids under three and we just moved 8 hours away to ohio. I am so miserable here. We are in a very nice town, family friendly, nice people, etc.. But it's not home. I am a major homebody and was completely opposed to this move. My husband took a job out here to be closer to his dad and I am sick over it. He is an only child and i think has dad issues from his childhood, i think his dad was behind pressuring him to take this job here but my husband denies it. My whole family and i am very close to and I wanted my kids to grow up where I grew up...not here. I seriously contemplate taking the kids and getting on I-80 and driving back to where I grew up every single day. Everyone says to give it a few months and I am trying. I go to the gym, have been making friends, going to start job searching as soon as the baby is 12 weeks old, but i just don't see myself staying here. My husband basically gave me no choice and we moved 2 weeks after my son was born. I just want to go home :(. Has anyone else ever experienced this? I told myself if i don't feel better in a year I'm taking the kids back home with or without my husband. I told him we could move out here to try it but that if i don't like it we are moving back and he agreed to this. Am I completely insane? He's a cop it's not like we moved here for some huge pay raise or a transfer or better work opportunity. It was a lateral employment move. I'm just so angry and i really don't feel in my heart that this move was a good idea. I did it for my kids and to keep the family together. Ugh i feel bad complaining but I need to vent

It's easy to miss stuff here, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said. Also, this is by no means all based on personal experience, but the combined experience of friends, family, and myself, over the past couple of decades. Rest assured that I am super old and wise and everything I say is correct.

My first response when I read your post was she has got to be kidding.

Post-partum depression is real and can be severe. I'm sure you know that. Somehow, though, we still live in a world where the possibility of PPD is pushed to a back burner, and if women aren't positively bursting with joy and energy after childbirth it's their fault and they just need to quit feeling sorry for themselves and pull themselves together. Those pastel Hallmark images of the glowing serenity of Motherhood simply are not reality-based (unless you are royal or filthy rich). And they were probably painted by men. (No offense.)

Obviously I don't know any of the people involved... but unless your father-in-law is seriously ill (which I suspect you would have mentioned were that the case), if he and your husband wanted to live closer together why didn't your FIL move? I know men can be... well... men (no offense), but do these two in particular know how difficult life is with three kids under three? Do you have two toddlers plus a newborn? Just the idea terrifies me. Wow, you must be doing an incredible job of holding it all together if your husband and FIL don't know how utterly exhausting, emotionally draining, stressful, and ISOLATING this can be -- and usually is. You need help with the chores (diapers, laundry, diapers, food, diapers, baths, diapers, housework, diapers), you need someone to get up some nights so you don't always have to, you need grown-ups to talk to so you don't lose your mind, you need time off from taking care of other people's personal needs and bodily functions so you can go goof off or sleep or whatever. You need support from people who don't think women's hormonal changes or imbalances are anything to laugh about.

I don't actually mean to tell you what you need. You know what you need. It sounds like your husband has chosen to put you in a seriously difficult situation without realizing or considering the ramifications for you, for your children, for himself, and for your family. Grrrrr!

Therapy sounds like a great idea. Any chance he'd go with you? Does he understand the difference between "making the best of it" and actually being happy? Having a happy attitude is certainly best for all concerned, but hopefully your husband knows the difference between a happy attitude and actual happiness. A therapist might be able to help him with this, if he needs help. (My guess though is that this is not a very cop-like thing to do.) A mommy group might also be a great idea, especially if it includes a casserole exchange or some other kind of cooking co-op. If you can afford it, some regularly scheduled childcare can work wonders, now, before you go back to work. Not only will it guarantee you some "you time," but it can be so encouraging to be able to tell yourself, when you're beyond completely frazzled, "Tomorrow from noon till 2:00 I can do whatever I want." (Your husband and FIL must have days off. Maybe between the two of them they could handle three kids. Cops get crowd-control training, right?)

Maybe something to talk with the therapist about -- how difficult it is for you to put in the hard work necessary to make the best of the situation you now find yourself in (against your will), while you are also contemplating leaving on a daily basis. This should-I-stay-or-should-I-go mentality can really, really torment you.

Unless your family is independently wealthy, your options on a cop's salary, with a recent move to finance, and three kids who aren't quite ready to move out and support themselves and will actually be in childcare soon, are probably limited. Reach out to people where you are (which it sounds like you are doing), maintain contact w/folks back home (also seems like you're doing that), remember that what you are doing feels really difficult BECAUSE IT IS. Ask for help when you need it -- if you try to be Supermom, no one will think you ever need help.

This may make me sound a bit dorky... but I have found the Laura Ingalls Wilder books to be really and truly inspirational in lots of surprising ways. Not the TV show, but the books. I've read through the whole series at least four times. I'd always identify most with Laura when she was the same age as me when I happened to be going through the books, but the last time I read the books, I identified with Ma. That woman put up with a lot of crap. I know the books are fictionalized, but still. It amazes me how frequently scenes from the books seem applicable to my life. I'm sure you're too tired and busy to read (I'm surprised you've read this!), but if you haven't gone through this series in the past 15 years or so (or maybe ever) see if your library has the books-on-tape versions. Maybe you can listen while you exercise.

One last thing: I know how sad, lonely, and depressing it can be to be separated from your support system during a difficult time. I also know that it's easy to get stuck in a dynamic where you call them when you're miserable about something and they respond by saying comforting things. Again, I don't know you or your situation -- but try not to make this the pattern for every call. Some misery, some comfort, but then work in a little laughter too. Even if it is work. Not to sound morbid or anything, but I've gone through times when just these little moments of levity were the only bright spots in my otherwise dark days -- and they made all the difference in the world.

Now go to bed.
 
  • #634
Good morning Mods, LambChop I think that's you...
I tried to reply to a couple of PM's. One yesterday and one this morning. I don't think they went through because they are not in my sent folder. I don't know how to contact you, except from this forum. I don't want another sleuther thinking I have ignored them. Please help.
thanks, Curious.
 
  • #635
It's easy to miss stuff here, so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said. Also, this is by no means all based on personal experience, but the combined experience of friends, family, and myself, over the past couple of decades. Rest assured that I am super old and wise and everything I say is correct.

My first response when I read your post was she has got to be kidding.

Post-partum depression is real and can be severe. I'm sure you know that. Somehow, though, we still live in a world where the possibility of PPD is pushed to a back burner, and if women aren't positively bursting with joy and energy after childbirth it's their fault and they just need to quit feeling sorry for themselves and pull themselves together. Those pastel Hallmark images of the glowing serenity of Motherhood simply are not reality-based (unless you are royal or filthy rich). And they were probably painted by men. (No offense.)

Obviously I don't know any of the people involved... but unless your father-in-law is seriously ill (which I suspect you would have mentioned were that the case), if he and your husband wanted to live closer together why didn't your FIL move? I know men can be... well... men (no offense), but do these two in particular know how difficult life is with three kids under three? Do you have two toddlers plus a newborn? Just the idea terrifies me. Wow, you must be doing an incredible job of holding it all together if your husband and FIL don't know how utterly exhausting, emotionally draining, stressful, and ISOLATING this can be -- and usually is. You need help with the chores (diapers, laundry, diapers, food, diapers, baths, diapers, housework, diapers), you need someone to get up some nights so you don't always have to, you need grown-ups to talk to so you don't lose your mind, you need time off from taking care of other people's personal needs and bodily functions so you can go goof off or sleep or whatever. You need support from people who don't think women's hormonal changes or imbalances are anything to laugh about.

I don't actually mean to tell you what you need. You know what you need. It sounds like your husband has chosen to put you in a seriously difficult situation without realizing or considering the ramifications for you, for your children, for himself, and for your family. Grrrrr!

Therapy sounds like a great idea. Any chance he'd go with you? Does he understand the difference between "making the best of it" and actually being happy? Having a happy attitude is certainly best for all concerned, but hopefully your husband knows the difference between a happy attitude and actual happiness. A therapist might be able to help him with this, if he needs help. (My guess though is that this is not a very cop-like thing to do.) A mommy group might also be a great idea, especially if it includes a casserole exchange or some other kind of cooking co-op. If you can afford it, some regularly scheduled childcare can work wonders, now, before you go back to work. Not only will it guarantee you some "you time," but it can be so encouraging to be able to tell yourself, when you're beyond completely frazzled, "Tomorrow from noon till 2:00 I can do whatever I want." (Your husband and FIL must have days off. Maybe between the two of them they could handle three kids. Cops get crowd-control training, right?)

Maybe something to talk with the therapist about -- how difficult it is for you to put in the hard work necessary to make the best of the situation you now find yourself in (against your will), while you are also contemplating leaving on a daily basis. This should-I-stay-or-should-I-go mentality can really, really torment you.

Unless your family is independently wealthy, your options on a cop's salary, with a recent move to finance, and three kids who aren't quite ready to move out and support themselves and will actually be in childcare soon, are probably limited. Reach out to people where you are (which it sounds like you are doing), maintain contact w/folks back home (also seems like you're doing that), remember that what you are doing feels really difficult BECAUSE IT IS. Ask for help when you need it -- if you try to be Supermom, no one will think you ever need help.

This may make me sound a bit dorky... but I have found the Laura Ingalls Wilder books to be really and truly inspirational in lots of surprising ways. Not the TV show, but the books. I've read through the whole series at least four times. I'd always identify most with Laura when she was the same age as me when I happened to be going through the books, but the last time I read the books, I identified with Ma. That woman put up with a lot of crap. I know the books are fictionalized, but still. It amazes me how frequently scenes from the books seem applicable to my life. I'm sure you're too tired and busy to read (I'm surprised you've read this!), but if you haven't gone through this series in the past 15 years or so (or maybe ever) see if your library has the books-on-tape versions. Maybe you can listen while you exercise.

One last thing: I know how sad, lonely, and depressing it can be to be separated from your support system during a difficult time. I also know that it's easy to get stuck in a dynamic where you call them when you're miserable about something and they respond by saying comforting things. Again, I don't know you or your situation -- but try not to make this the pattern for every call. Some misery, some comfort, but then work in a little laughter too. Even if it is work. Not to sound morbid or anything, but I've gone through times when just these little moments of levity were the only bright spots in my otherwise dark days -- and they made all the difference in the world.

Now go to bed.


This post wasn't for the rest of us, I know. But hey, great post!!
 
  • #636
We, the people of WS, seem to seldom leave, so you shall have your friends here and there. The Sidebar will be up for awhile so pop in here. Many flock to the next case of their choice, and you'll run into some of us wherever you go! You can always find your closest friends so don't worry. :happydance:

Thank you DaisyMae. I don't keep up with a lot of trials, mainly because I never hear about them. In the local Louisville news, every morning all you hear of are the murders that happened throughout the night so I turn it off. I think it's that way everywhere. I followed Scott Peterson trial on TV, the Casey Anthony trial on another website, and then heard about WS from reading about JA on the web. I can't remember the website I followed for Casey Anthony but it was a site in Florida. WS is really good. So I guess I will have to look for all of you to see if you are on other cases. :)
 
  • #637
good-morning001.jpg


All is quiet this AM.

Can't believe the retrial is so close:

Time until Monday, September 29, 2014 (Phoenix time)

4 DAYS 19 HOURS 20 MINUTES 57 SECONDS

:seeya:
 
  • #638
Michael K. Jeanes, Clerk of Court
*** Electronically Filed ***
09/24/2014 8:00 AM

09/22/2014

LET THE RECORD REFLECT that the Juror Questionnaire and Preliminary Instructions
are still being refined

IT IS ORDERED setting Status Conference on 9/26/14 at 8:30 a.m. to finalize the Juror
Questionnaire and Preliminary Instructions.

IT IS ORDERED that Vernon Parker submit to a voluntary interview with the State upon
request.

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that Mr. Parker is not to discuss any issues from sealed
proceedings during the voluntary interview.

Court and counsel discuss matters regarding threats received by Defense counsel.

Defense Exhibit 1 is marked for identification and admitted in evidence for the purposes
of this hearing only and filed under seal.

Filed: Exhibit Worksheet and Sealed Exhibit #1

IT IS FURTHER ORDERED affirming Re-Trial on Penalty Phase on 9/29/14 at 8:00
a.m. in this division.

http://www.courtminutes.maricopa.gov/docs/Criminal/092014/m6496485.pdf
-----------------------


Case Documents
Filing Date Description Docket Date Filing Party
9/24/2014 027 - ME: Pretrial Conference - Party (001) 9/24/2014

https://www.superiorcourt.maricopa....rtCases/caseInfo.asp?caseNumber=CR2008-031021
 
  • #639
D. Vernon Parker, 52, Woodcrest Ward, Riverside California West Stake; to serve in Riverside California and Victorville California regions; former multi-region director of public affairs, stake president and counselor, bishop, Young Men president, deacons quorum adviser, and Scoutmaster; corporate accounting manager; earned bachelor's degree from Weber State University and master's degree from the University of Utah; born in Montpelier, Idaho; married.
(New regional representatives
Published: Saturday, Sept. 25, 1993)

http://www.ldschurchnewsarchive.com/articles/23377/New-regional-representatives.html

(he is in his 70's now)
 
  • #640
Good morning Mods, LambChop I think that's you...
I tried to reply to a couple of PM's. One yesterday and one this morning. I don't think they went through because they are not in my sent folder. I don't know how to contact you, except from this forum. I don't want another sleuther thinking I have ignored them. Please help.
thanks, Curious.

I have had nothing but troubles using WS on my ipad since the update last week to ios 8. :storming mad: I started a reply to you twice already, and both times the page has frozen before I got it done. That started happening last night. grrrrr arrghhh! I am now writing from my PC (Microsoft product)

Are you still using your ipad here? Did you do the ios 8 update? If so, check out what I wrote (and got a few replies to) at our old thread "Important Message to Members" when we did the update here at WS. Add your problems there, if you don't mind.

link to thread for "Important Message to Members: http://www.websleuths.com/forums/sh...-MESSAGE-to-MEMBERS-ONLY*forum-upgrade*/page5

I think the consensus is that it probably is an Apple problem. If you can, please write to the link for Apple Support. The more people who let them know their ipads are not working properly since the update, the more likely they will do something about it soon. Thanks, Curious!

Apple support link: https://www.apple.com/support/feedback/
 
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