Excellent, truthful post
@Marysmith. I've been thinking hard on what steps Maya could've taken to get out safely, not be accused of deserting or leaving without the children, and still pull it off when she could go through a divorce safely. I know how it is and maybe just got lucky I got away alive. Emotions in divorce are super ugly and volatile. I have no idea how Maya could've done it because it looks almost impossible with someone like LM and all his family's involvement with the children too.
I want to acknowledge I definitely understand what you're saying. I feel horrible for Maya's situation too. By the time a woman is ready to leave, she's gathering her own defiance and strength and that can be a dangerous thing. Sometimes there's someone else she's involved with but not always. She just wants out. How long can she keep stuffing her own feelings away. Maya was absolutely a vibrant, light filled, exuberant woman.
Was she going to have to force herself to stay and put up with all LM's controlling, irrational behaviors until the children were grown? What you're saying is there's no guarantee either way staying or leaving that she'll be safe. Maya would've had to stay with LM another 14 yrs. for the youngest to be 18. LM was dangerous to live with for another 14 yrs.
I've talked about a case here mentioning the freezer. Elizabeth Sullivan went to see a divorce attorney the same day she disappeared. Once the plans get thrown out there in a volatile argument, it gets often deadly. So, hope I don't sound like a fool in believing a safe exit might be possible.
I don't have all the answers. Nothing I say may have saved Maya. I'm sure it's may not be possible to escape safely in some abusive relationships. (I've had my share.) It's following so many cases here and on the news that makes me want to suggest
getting help planning a safe exit. There's professional people, counselors, and organizations that can help in the planning. You can try marriage counseling, and that may help determine if the spouse will be able to handle a divorce amicably. If it comes down to leaving a dangerous situation, then just don't flaunt your plans. Don't challenge a mad man. Everything should be kept on the "down low". Keep him in the dark and don't give him fuel or time to have his own nasty plans.
Please know this post is all MOO and thoughts.