afitzy
Former Member
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@glassheater, Thank you for this comment as it provides so much useful information and insight about what Fd experienced growing up in Greece in terms of school and religion. Its great that you say the priest in Hartford is a wonderful man, I hope Fd seeks him out for counselling and guidance as Fd is no doubt in a very bad personal situation and my guess is that things won't get any better any time soon for him! I have a million and one questions about all things Greece, but here are a few that have been discussed by many others here on the threads. My books on the Orthodox religion should arrive soon and I look forward to reading them very much.
As you point out, FD was adamant about Greek language being learned by the children as their early nanny is believed to have only spoken Greek and the children did have access to their Grandmother as they were learning to speak. The children at the time they were living at 4Jx were most likely too small to begin any religious education but perhaps did have exposure to going to church? IDK. We also don't know if JFd converted to Greek Orthodox (some believe she might have) from Judaism (which is believed to be the religion of her birth). Would you think that Fd required that JFd convert to his faith at the time of their marriage and even perhaps learn Greek? We have none of these details unfortunately.
I think many here have been trying to understand about Fd and how his childhood in Athens might have shaped him, his experience in the US and possibly even impacted his marriage to JFd. We have never had much knowledge of his situation growing up, other than he grew up in Athens (moved to Athen from Istanbul where he had been born) to what looked to be a possibly prosperous family and he had a 'sister' who was 13 years older. During the 1970s as Fd was growing up in Athen, how his experiences there might have made him a bit more traditional in his views on family vs. his counterparts in the US growing up at the same time. The impact of the 1960s might perhaps have hit Greece later than the US? Might Greece in the 1970s have been much more traditional than the US or is this an incorrect assumption?
Fd and his 'sister' are privately educated and both have graduate level education. Fd came to the US to attend college and graduate school, got married and never returned to live in Greece. We don't know about his military service status or whether as the only male sibling in his family whether that exempted him from service?
What we have been trying to figure out is whether JFd might not have understood some of the traditional cultural roles that might have been ingrained in Fd while growing up in Athens and might have been blindsided by them after the marriage. So to JFd, Fd might have on the surface seemed culturally similar to some of the individuals she met at Brown or had grown up with in NY, but in reality he was very different from her peers in terms of various cultural issues such as religion, language, roles in the marriage, child rearing responsibilities etc.
We have been also trying to understand the presence of a Greek community in Istanbul and why the Duolos/Dulos family might have immigrated from Turkey to Greece many years ago (mid 1960s). Was this done for economic reasons or was there ongoing discrimination and persecution of Christians or Greeks going on at the time in Istanbul that would make moving advantageous to the family? I found it baffling that when I asked someone that was part of the Greek Orthodox community locally about Fd, their first comment was that he was 'a Turk' and not 'a Greek'. This wasn't someone I knew and it was just a conversation in passing. Would you expect someone that might have been part of an expat Greek community in Turkey to be referred to as a Turk and not as a Greek?
How might being the only male child have impacted Fd experience growing up? Did this really matter or not?
JFd grew up in NY, amidst privilege and did experience multiculturalism but was this experience growing up enough to prepare her for a husband who might have believed her only role was in the home and taking care of children? Is it possible that someone of Fd generation believed that JFd continuing to write or work was something that wasn't to be done?
We have seen multiple examples of Fd denigrating JFd writing and he seemed to resent the time this work took away from him and possibly the children. JFd wrote professionally and had graduate training in writing as well and by all accounts we have read was a skilled writer and professional.
Fd picked up JFd and moved her to a place very culturally distant from NY and largely isolated her in the suburban enviorment of Farmington while he 'worked' to build his Company. JFd had 5 children in rapid succession and 2 sets of twins and by all accounts was devoted to her children. We have seen many many reports of JFd being very involved in her childrens education and activities but parents and school officials never recall seeing Fd present at any of the school events or even showing any interest in the goings on at school. Would this lack of involvement in activities relating to the children be something typical of most males of Fd generation or is this unusual?
In many respects Fd behaviour towards his wife and family that we have seen in the Family Court documents makes him seem like a throwback to another generation based on American standards IMO. The fact that we see Fd conducting by all accounts multiple affairs in the marriage and then conducting a longer term affair with MT might also be cultural too, but is it? Curious about cultural views in Greece towards marriage and infidelity. Do women look the other way to affairs or simply conduct affairs of their own and keep the marriage together for family and children? We saw Fd by all accounts enraged by JFd leaving him with the 5 children when she left and filed for divorce in 2017. But, he seemed more enraged by the actual act of her leaving (act of defiance) and not concerned about her well being or the well being of the children, oddly enough. The children seemed to be viewed as possessions and he didn't seem very involved with them at all and left the children to JFd to manage and care for by all accounts. Fd for lack of a better word seemed distant from his family but obsessed with the image of having a large and intact family. His plan to have MT and her daughter live at 4Jx while JFd lived there or commuted there with the children seems beyond the comprehension of most here. But was this view of Fd's culturally driven as well in that he as the male in the family could dictate what would happen with the marriage and the female partner would simply fall in line with his wishes?
Recently we have been looking at the immediate cremation of Fd mother when she died after being run over by a car in her driveway. We have heard various views about the acceptability of cremation within the Orthodox community of a woman Mama Duolos/Dulos generation. We thought it odd that husband and wife would not be buried next to each other as Papa Duolos/Dulos has a gravestone and was buried in a traditional manner but his wife was immediately cremated and is not believed to have a gravestone next to her husband.
I think the other major issue that we have run into that has been somewhat baffling is Fd view towards the courts, the law, rules and regulations and government in general. We saw him taking the oath to testify in Family Court and then lie on the stand multiple times, we have seen him provide financial documents to Family Court that were not true and we saw him using money from the marriage to entertain, house and travel with a mistress all the while charging his wife for childcare help (Fd had JFd pay for childcare and education by all accounts)? Is this view towards Govt and the law something Fd might have seen growing up in Greece? He seemed to run his financial life in his Company as his own personal piggy bank and then kept very poor records and didn't seem to file his taxes for the last 2 years. He seemed to make no attempt to comply with court orders or properly respond to requests from the court. He had a general view that rules were for others but not for him? Could he have gotten these views from his experience growing up or perhaps watching his father operate a business in Greece?
So many questions about Fd go back to his childhood and sadly we know little about it. Any help to possibly understanding it would be valuable I think especially as the trial process moves forward in order to try and understand how it might have shaped him.
MOO
