Today I was thinking about, what if I was 17 and I really, really believed that someone I loved, ( ahhmmm), cared greatly for, was in tremendous emotional pain and I felt he was right, about wanting to kill himself...He needed help getting over that last hump...but truly he would be better off dead.
Knowing that no one would understand, what only we two, were convinced of, I decide to "ease him into it", compel him when he was weak, and help him reach his goal. No matter what. Of course I would have to lie, and cover up what I was doing, because no one would understand.
I worked really hard to see where this might have been her mind set, but what absolutely stopped me in my tracks, was LOVE. There is no way that love thinks like this.
"You are the most wonderful, unique, special human being that ever lived and I can't hurt you, or help you hurt yourself. I love you please keep trying. THAT is LOVE.
That she was able to immediately contact his family and pretend to be concerned... is the coldest, most heartless act I could ever imagine. (I have a 12 year old daughter. I honestly don't know how I would ever look at her the same, if she ever did something like this! I would be heartbroken, I would not be sending her to Disney for sure!).
This case feels so personal to me. My best friend has a son, who was suicidal. He made his first suicide attempt at 13. He ran around their home smashing windows with his fist and deliberately slashed his wrists on the broken glass. His father had to tackle him to the ground, in the kitchen, while his two younger siblings were rooted to the spot, in terror.
That was his first hospitalization, and he was diagnosed manic depressive.
He made several other attempts. Once he was in in complete organ failure, funeral plans were being made.... But he recovered, and we all worked so hard, to keep this boy alive.
At 22 he was MIA for a while, he showed up on my doorstep one night, like an abandoned cat, he was thin, and tired... I was so greatfull to be able to call my friend and say," I have your son here, he's tired and thin, but he;s ok, I'll keep him a few days, if that's alright with you. His family was so stressed and in pain, I was glad to help them.
We talked a lot over that week, and I asked him to consider, that even if he felt life held nothing but pain for him, that he might have something of value to offer others. Could he see the value of remaining alive solely to assist those who might need him? I was trying to help him see, that by throwing away his life, he was depriving others of a chance for his presence to make a difference in their lives...
And I saw the lightbulb go off in his head... "oh my god, we're not here to have the most fabulous lives possible, we're not here to prove to others what we're worth, to be popular, or beautiful/hansom... we are here to love one another, and assist our fellow human beings. No matter what someone's opinion of us may be, when we help just one person, no matter how trivial that help may seem, we're "perfect" in that moment. Valuable, and needed.
It was a long road for Joel. But he began doing service work. And as he continued down that road, he began to recover. His self esteem improved with every individual he helped.
He turned 36 a few months ago, and his life not perfect, he has to see his Dr. and take his meds, and he is on disability. But he's become a champion motivational speaker to those who know him, and he is always ready to help anyone who needs him. My facebook wall is filled with his daily messages of love and hope.
Recently he wrote a post for his parents 50th anniversary and he thanked them, for never giving up on him. He said that he had hit the jack-pot in the lottery of parents, and that he loved them so much, and couldn't ask for better...Having known them some 25 years now, I have to agree.
I love Joel so much, I am so, so glad, that he never had a "friend" like Michelle Carter.
