This has been a really hard day for me. Really hard. i have felt so sick and incapable of doing anything.
I questioned my family and my sweetheart: "Is this the way the universe works? Does evil get to prevail with not checks and no balances? No righting of the wrong?"
To me, it is an obvious, horrific wrong that happened today and all we are left with is the tiny bit of solace we can get predicting negative outcomes for casey. And I will indulge in that cause' I need something.
But I cannot predict much today because I feel I lost myself so much in my own head, my own understanding of commons sense, that I predicted the polar opposite of what happened today, steadfastly ignoring or quelling some misgivings I had along the way. I was 99.9% certain that it would be first degree murder or a hung jury. So, I will refrain and quote the one person in my life who is always right:
My mom is always right. Her predictions have always been correct and sometimes incredible. Like when one of her workers was told her baby tested positive for down syndrome (in utero) and my mom assured her that they were simply wrong. They were wrong. Or when a co-worker's husband was told that he had either a brain tumor or muscular dystrophy and my mom knew it was neither - it was something innocuous. She was right.
She also predicted that I passed the bar when I took it and was sure I had failed. A funny thing happened. After the results came back, when I punched my codes in, it kept saying I had failed. For two days, I was in the depths of despair. But my mom felt I had passed and infuriated me by smiling now and then as if she had a secret during that time. When the results became public that Sunday morning, I was awakened by a classmate who called me at 5:30 a.m. to tell me I was an idiot. I HAD passed! My mom was right and I was wrong.
Well, my mom told me right before deliberations that although she felt casey was guilty, had murdered her baby, that the jury would acquit her. I argued with her and said that was ludicrous. I was wrong, she was right.
But here's what she said about casey. She said she will not have a good life. She will likely commit another crime. She will waste through all the money she gets from all her "dealz" (the z is purposeful). She will be unhappy. It will not end well.
I trust my mom.
And, I REALY LIKE your mom!