Teresa N., Haleigh's paternal grandmother #2

[stilettos]

Maybe I don't understand what is meant by enabling, I don't see it. I see a mother who loves her son and it seems to me that people are attempting to turn that into a negative and calling it enabling. Can you please list the instances of how Teresa has enabled Ron in your opinion? Tia

Loving your children often means teaching them responsibility for their actions...even if it means cooperating with LE to put them in jail...and visiting them there. I love my children beyond measure...but I will not tolerate them breaking the law. I have and would call the police on my children for breaking the law....that is called modeling appropriate behavior and it is also love. It is about teaching respect for the laws of society and teaching children not to offend against others in society.

 

[texasmommy39]

Guys there is more truth floating around this www than any one truly wants to admit. The fact is some of this information can not be shared here at WS per TOS. It is all out there and available for all to google and read all relevant material and form your own opinion. It is unfair in my opinion to demand of someone something that can be done with a google search or a search of Links provided here by AngelWho Cares..and would not be a continued argument and requests for off limit links. This is not the rumor thread I realize but it is hard to discuss this case at this point with out a mention here or there that is in reference to some of this off limit info.

 

[KOOL LOOK]

Since the ~~~~Bible~~~~ inference is mentioned, always best to know it for yourself. I'm not in agreement with the representation meaning.

 

[AC]

Regarding TN and her decision to "not get involved" regarding Misty's age, I was under the impression that the law states that if the child's parents agree to the "union", then it is OK for someone older to marry and be involved with that "child". For some reason, I assume Misty's Mom didn't have a problem with her and Ron being together. Maybe it was for financial reasons on her part as she didn't have to feed another mouth. If it was OK with Misty's Mom, how could TN get involved as her son, Ron, is a grown adult. Please correct me if I am wrong regarding what the law states....as in the state of Florida, I'm not 100% sure if this is the correct.

 

[elle1919]

Regarding TN and her decision to "not get involved" regarding Misty's age, I was under the impression that the law states that if the child's parents agree to the "union", then it is OK for someone older to marry and be involved with that "child". For some reason, I assume Misty's Mom didn't have a problem with her and Ron being together. Maybe it was for financial reasons on her part as she didn't have to feed another mouth. If it was OK with Misty's Mom, how could TN get involved as her son, Ron, is a grown adult. Please correct me if I am wrong regarding what the law states....as in the state of Florida, I'm not 100% sure if this is the correct.

Regarding my bold...I spent countless hours last night researching this law when the answer was right in front of my face. lol. While some wish to hold Teresa Neves responsible for the enabling of her son Ronald, the parents that should be held responsible are Lisa and Hank Croslin, in my opinion. After reading section 743.01 of Florida State law it is obvious to me that when Lisa Croslin went to the court house and signed a paper permitting their daughter to wed, they in effect, allowed her to enter into a contract. She is now considered an adult. What Teresa is guilty of as it relates to this particular discussion is of supporting the decision of her son to enter into a marriage contract with Misty. I do not see how that is considered enabling.

 

[AC]

Off topic....I know, but maybe that is why they got married. Therefore, Ron would not go to jail for being involved with a minor.

 

[elle1919]

Off topic....I know, but maybe that is why they got married. Therefore, Ron would not go to jail for being involved with a minor.

AC your thoughts are my thoughts. People have married for less reasons, have they not? I just can't speculate on the decisions made by the players in this case at this point. When we have all of the answers to the questions that we have about Haleigh's disappearance we can speculate about their choices all we want.

 

[stilettos]

Regarding my bold...I spent countless hours last night researching this law when the answer was right in front of my face. lol. While some wish to hold Teresa Neves responsible for the enabling of her son Ronald, the parents that should be held responsible are Lisa and Hank Croslin, in my opinion. After reading section 743.01 of Florida State law it is obvious to me that when Lisa Croslin went to the court house and signed a paper permitting their daughter to wed, they in effect, allowed her to enter into a contract. She is now considered an adult. What Teresa is guilty of as it relates to this particular discussion is of supporting the decision of her son to enter into a marriage contract with Misty. I do not see how that is considered enabling.

The discussion about the statutory crime is regarding the time preceding the wedding. Although should you care to check there are cases where the prosecutor chose to go forward with charges after a marriage...and after the parents signed permission. Kentucky is one state where the married man of a minor child was sent to prison....even though her parents gave consent.

 

[elle1919]

The discussion about the statutory crime is regarding the time preceding the wedding. Although should you care to check there are cases where the prosecutor chose to go forward with charges after a marriage...and after the parents signed permission. Kentucky is one state where the married man of a minor child was sent to prison....even though her parents gave consent.

Indeed I have read of cases where the prosecutor chose to go forward with charges but that has not happened here. I understand that circumstances that you describe do happen stiletto's and when in fact the states attorney does decide to proceed with charges against Ronald Cummings for the statutory charges you have assigned him I will feel more comfortable discussing it.

 

[kiki the parrot]

It was after TN's granddaughter/Ronald's daughter went "missing" that Misty was pronounced an "adult" and overnight teen stepmom sensation. But by no standard did Misty fit the definition of a mature, responsible caregiver--though she was "waived" an adult, and ushered technically into the role, following TN's grandchild going missing on her watch--but even less so prior to the perfuming of the pig. At the point Misty began watching TN's grandchildren/RC's children, she was unknown to TN. TN was the grandparent of Haleigh and Jr., and parent of their primary custodial parent. And in the face of her son's lack of good judgment it's just a shame no one else seems to have been looking out for the welfare of Haleigh & Junior. How much did TN know or find out about the party girl w whom her son had just hooked up and to whom he was entrusting her grandkids. Had her son prior to this evidenced sound decision making? Demonstrated the sacrifices or good judgment of a responsible parent? The real role TN played long preceded any of the Croslins' arrival in Haleigh & Junior's lives, and it wasn't the Croslins' responsibility to raise Haleigh's father or instill into him appropriate parent-child boundaries, values, priorities, and discretion nor teach him accountability, that could eventually culminate in putting his childrens' needs first. We can trace this back for generations on either side I am sure but regardless, clearly Croslins can not be held responsible for the decision by RC to throw open their door, and begin entrusting his two children to a teenaged drug-using live-in. JMO

arrot:

 

[Novice Seeker]

Yes but to address your statement "... calling the teenager with a seeming penchant for drugs and casual sex such a great mommy-the best of all Ron's paramours (my paraphrase) seems to be quite cruel to the mother of her grandchildren" would involve IMO discussing the level of "cruelty" in that statement which would involve discussing more than one teenager/motherly figure with a seeming penchant for drugs and casual sex so I left it alone.

Whatever I think of the legitimacy of the implication, I don't believe that was what was in TN's mind at the time (to be cruel) because IMO there were probably more direct ways to do that

It needs to be considered as another aspect to this crime. The crime simply doesn't involve the immediate time frame when a child was abducted. It also includes time(days, week, months) persons who were in or around Haleigh's life before the abduction, relationships of all involved and choices/decisions of the same before the crime actually took place.
Then the 3rd part of the crime involves what happened after Haleigh was abducted, who lied?, behaviors that weren't quite right, comments, actions, and decisions that were made after the crime are ALL elements when looking at a crime.

To not do so could prevent that key piece of information that could cause a chain reaction and hopefully help LE find Haleigh.

Novice Seeker

 

[Flossie JMO]

Flossie, we all love our children and would sacrifice in any way for them. The difference is also knowing they aren't doing as they should and holding them up as the downtrodden, when maybe they are the reason for the problem. This all goes back in my opinion to loving families. It doesn't look like these players had that at all. The children were never taught loyalty, respect. Its a never ending situation that keeps repeating itself. Flossie, have you ever heard of Tough Love? Its for parents who want to take a stand with their children no matter what age. Like drugs, the parents would refuse to allow it in their home, the child would have to find someplace else to live etc. Even though the parents knew the child had no income or place to go, it is forcing them to take responsibility for their actions. You know something I haven't mentioned very often is a disability that I believe Ron has. He didn't finish school, he uses drugs, its pretty obvious and yet his parents never sought help for him, they excused every thing he did. So in part, it is ignorance on their part and that is a sad thing. I don't think Ron had a happy childhood either, I think he was indulged and ignored, but that is only what I think. JMO

The problem I have with it is these are all rumors imo. I don't think they belong up here. From the information we have, Teresa loves her children and grandchildren, there is nothing at all to show "enabling" imo.

 

[stilettos]

The problem I have with it is these are all rumors imo. I don't think they belong up here. From the information we have, Teresa loves her children and grandchildren, there is nothing at all to show "enabling" imo.

It is apparent that TN did enable RC by not intervening when he chose to place his children in the sole care of a drug using teenager. NOt enabling that situation would be evidenced by behavior such as a conversation in which you tell your son that he is placing the children in danger, and that you will go to any lengths necessary...including contacting DCF to ensure the safety of the children. THAT is called tough love, sometimes called putting on your Momma and Grannie panties and doing what is right.

 

[Novice Seeker]

The problem I have with it is these are all rumors imo. I don't think they belong up here. From the information we have, Teresa loves her children and grandchildren, there is nothing at all to show "enabling" imo.

We aren't spreading rumors, we're stating our opinions based on TN's behaviors and comments publicly. The information you have is not a fact but rather an opinion of TN's feelings. Enabling IMO is very obvious from just what we've seen in the media.

Novice Seeker

 

[Novice Seeker]

I agreed with your post pages back and I agree with your post now. It is clear to me that there are many likely circumstances surrounding the union of Ronald and Misty. My problem is that people wish to ascribe fault to Teresa Neves ( this is her thread) for the union and label her as en enabler. I disagree that any of this is her fault and whether or not she is indeed an enabler could be discussed after Haleigh is found and brought back to her parents and grandparents. I think the the continued focus on Teresa and how she is at fault and what her role is in Haleigh's disappearance is disturbing. How is this continued discussion finding Haleigh? It's not in my opinion.

We are discussing TN and her place in this mess. What you refer to as my problem is simply an opinion. Her enabling issues are important to this case and is an aspect that is worth discussing on this forum. A parent who enables a child, regardless of their age, is much more disturbing b/c it shows a dysfunction within the family.
As to how this could help find Haleigh, it could help b/c it gives us a better picture of the family dynamics, what the family values most, patterns of behavior that can help understand things better. IMO it does play a vital role in discussing TN and the abduction of Haleigh.

Novice Seeker

 

[pittsburghgirl]

I agreed with your post pages back and I agree with your post now. It is clear to me that there are many likely circumstances surrounding the union of Ronald and Misty. My problem is that people wish to ascribe fault to Teresa Neves ( this is her thread) for the union and label her as en enabler. I disagree that any of this is her fault and whether or not she is indeed an enabler could be discussed after Haleigh is found and brought back to her parents and grandparents. I think the the continued focus on Teresa and how she is at fault and what her role is in Haleigh's disappearance is disturbing. How is this continued discussion finding Haleigh? It's not in my opinion.

Clearly, the discussion isn't about Haleigh, as you note. If so, my post and second post wouldn't be necessary. We would not be talking about Teresa or Ron because they didn't abduct her. I also agree that Teresa is not responsible for the actions of Ron or Misty. I also think she is not obliged to go on national TV and trash her son. No matter how I felt privately about my son's behavior, I wouldn't through him under the bus on Nancy Grace. Ron is an adult. Misty in an emancipated minor. Anyone who has an adult child knows that you can't control his or her behavior--in particular, if there are drugs involved. Most parents who have kids with drug or alcohol issues have a heartbreaking and very fine line to walk, because they don't want their son or daughter--or their grandchildren--to end up dead. Teresa Neves seems heartbroken over the whole situation and she has my sincere sympathy for the ordeal she is going through.

Actually, I think people on this thread would benefit from reading the Robert Manwill thread. There, a pair of evil people killed an 8 year old boy, the stepfather by beating him to death, the mother by letting it happen over time. These people are rightly reviled. Child protective services comes in for some severe criticism because the mother had already fractured the skull of this boy's infant brother and spent time in jail. The killers had only visitation. The father comes in for some criticism because he has been married to TWO of the child killers. But there is a sense of laying blame where it belongs. The story of Haleigh is still unfinished. We don't yet know where she is. Time enough then to apportion responsibility. But none of it--NONE--goes to Teresa Neves. Without a proper family evaluation, it is unfair to characterize her as an "enabler."

 

[Flossie JMO]

We aren't spreading rumors, we're stating our opinions based on TN's behaviors and comments publicly. The information you have is not a fact but rather an opinion of TN's feelings. Enabling IMO is very obvious from just what we've seen in the media.

Novice Seeker

I don't think this is true. Also I don't see where this "obvious enabling" is or why it can't be listed here by those making the accusation?

 

[Baxter]

I found this link, and IMO sound a lot like TN enabling behavior.


* Protect others from the consequences of their own actions
* Deflect the hand of fate and soften its blow for others
* Attempt to save others from feeling intense emotional pain
* Delay the day of reckoning for troubled persons by averting social and financial difficulties for them
* Prevent crises for troubled persons--which, in fact, prolongs the problems
* Pinch-hit for troubled persons, hiding their mistakes with alibis or lies to others
* Act out of a sincere, if misguided, sense of love and loyalty
* May act out of shame to protect their self-respect and that of their environment
* Are motivated by the fear that they may share the unfortunate consequences of the troubled person's problems
* Take on responsibility for the troubled person
* Begin to doubt themselves and their own sanity or "rightness,'' often seeing themselves as failures
* Feel guilt and self-hatred, and begin to turn off their feelings toward the troubled person and others
* Engage in substantial projection onto and blaming of the troubled person
* Vent a large amount of anger against the troubled person
* Become known as sarcastic naggers and blamers
* Deny and conceal the problems of the troubled person
* Make decisions for the troubled person--decisions that are best left for the troubled person to make for himself
* Minimize the problems of the troubled person
* Feel trapped in the problems of the troubled person
* Develop an emotional shell and resist penetration


http://www.livestrong.com/article/14675-enabling-personality/

 

[Flossie JMO]

Thanks Baxter, I know what the term means, I was looking for someone to tell me what "obvious" actions Teresa has taken that are enabling. I don't believe there are any jmo

 

[Be Careful]

Thanks Baxter, I know what the term means, I was looking for someone to tell me what "obvious" actions Teresa has taken that are enabling. I don't believe there are any jmo

I don't see enabling either. Ron is a grown man, he doesn't have to get permission from TN to do or not do anything. She may not approve, but she has no control over her grown son.