CA CA - Bob Harrod, 81, Orange County, 27 July 2009 - #11

[Cubby]

Oh, and just to add I didn't even know I had a problem until I spoke to him. I just thought I had found a lovely group of literate, kind, supportive people and was ( still am) really enjoying their company! I am going to serve him sour milk with his cornflakes in the morning!

Someone else's opinion, professional/expert or not, only becomes a problem if you allow it to become a problem. I wouldn't give it much thought actually, as it's nothing more than his or her opinion.

 

[zwiebel]

Someone else's opinion, professional/expert or not, only becomes a problem if you allow it to become a problem. I wouldn't give it much thought actually, as it's nothing more than his or her opinion.

Thank you, Cubby. Thank you.

 

[Sparkyswife]

Yes cubby, I'm getting confused about that too. I want to see the documents, but certainly do not want to see them if it puts any evidence at risk.

Sorry, little rant here - I am upset.
One of our guests here is a qualified therapist and I made the mistake of asking him what he thought of some of the statements made by family. His first question was, 'why do you want to know?'.
2 hours later the result seems to be that I am 'living amongst the dead'

>respectfully snipped
Hugs to you zwiebel, remember that you are doing something good. Justice for Bob and answers for Fontelle. I wonder what your "guest" would say about me...genealogy & the hunt for elusive docs and deceased folk is my strong point. :what:
It is about Bob http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video?id=8228833

 

[zwiebel]

>respectfully snipped
Hugs to you zwiebel, remember that you are doing something good. Justice for Bob and answers for Fontelle. I wonder what your "guest" would say about me...genealogy & the hunt for elusive docs and deceased folk is my strong point. :what:
It is about Bob http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/video?id=8228833

Oh no, I dread to think what he would say. He's Irish and when I did the little jig because of gitana's post, he told me I was doing it all wrong! ( not allowed to move my arms, apparently). Thanks for the hug, I needed it!

 

[zwiebel]

Sparkyswife, glad he's gone to bed as I would have shown him the Bob link as evidence and.....I don't think it's working now?

 

[Sparkyswife]

Sparkyswife, glad he's gone to bed as I would have shown him the Bob link as evidence and.....I don't think it's working now?

I just watched, it works for me. After the commercial.

 

[zwiebel]

Having gathered myself together again, I want to make the point I wanted to make before I got distracted by therapists - why is AH so desperate to keep his agreement secret? Why does the trust appear to be helping? There is something very wrong here.

 

[zwiebel]

I just watched, it works for me. After the commercial.

Must be this stupid tablet again. Am really fed up with it. It was a birthday present from Mr Z that he uses more than I do!

 

[Cubby]

The video worked for me too. I don't know why but that was the first time I have watched that video. I don't recall that particular video being linked previously. It may be I haven't viewed it because I don't have working speakers on the computer and I can't always get msm video's to come up on the wii.

I'll definately have to bookmark that video to make sure I watch again when I am at a computer with working speakers.

There is another video of Bob too, interviewed the day Fontelle flew back to MO from CA to begin packing for her move to CA. Hopefully someone can find and link that video (again) too. Getting late here so almost ready to call it a night.

:bedtime:

 

[zwiebel]

The video worked for me too. I don't know why but that was the first time I have watched that video. I don't recall that particular video being linked previously. It may be I haven't viewed it because I don't have working speakers on the computer and I can't always get msm video's to come up on the wii.

I'll definately have to bookmark that video to make sure I watch again when I am at a computer with working speakers.

There is another video of Bob too, interviewed the day Fontelle flew back to MO from CA to begin packing for her move to CA. Hopefully someone can find and link that video (again) too. Getting late here so almost ready to call it a night.

:bedtime:

Ummm yes, getting late here too. 6am in fact, and if I'm going to sour that milk for the therapist's cornflakes.........Good night all, sleep well!

 

[Cubby]

Back to the dogs again for a minute, the K9 dogs. I want so badly for them to check the entrances other than the front door for cadaver scent. Particularly the back and side door that was left unlocked to the garage. I don't care about what kind of clutter was usually there blocking the side door to the garage. With 48+ hours between the time of Mr. Harrod's disappearance there was plenty of time to move clutter and clear a path to that door and then move whatever clutter back to again block that door.

I'm talking about the one AH found unlocked when on the well being check with LE.

 

[Seajay]

zwie, if I have one consolation, it's that I never met a normal therapist. They all are in therapy themselves, so I wouldn't take what he says to heart. You didn't need to be "shrunk" just because you asked a question.

You have a big heart and care about other people. That's not an illness. You are making a difference. As Cubby said, you are giving people a voice who someone else tried to silence.

And you are honoring your aunt who was murdered by making sure that others who commit murder like your uncle did faces justice for their crimes, you are a part of a team that is tracking these types of people down.

You've found your niche. Don't let your guest who is getting sour milk in his corn flakes bother you or make you feel small.

 

[GrainneDhu]

Sorry GrainneDhu, know we can't sleuth each other but......36 heads of garlic? Are you SURE you want to help him cook whatever that dish is he's cooking (Lol)?

No, no, he's discovered the joys of roasted garlic spread on toast or just eaten plain. Once it is roasted, it is sweet and not biting at all.

We live 60 miles apart and I can no longer travel there, so I make stuff in big batches, freeze it and send it to him via family or friends who are travelling that way.

The garlic came out of the oven, I peeled it and spread the cloves out on trays to freeze separately. The next step will be to put it all in one freezer container with a label.

The big project for today is lasagne. My dad adores my lasagne (maybe it is the two pounds of cheese that goes into it?) and so every other month I make two big pans to divvy up into individual servings for him.

Then tomorrow we'll make three big dump cakes and freeze them in individual portions.

Then it will be chicken breasts cooked in Dundee marmalade (American marmalade is too horrifying to use), plus veggies and rice.

By the time cooking week is over, we'll have a large cooler's worth of my dad's favourite foods plus a couple helpings each of new ones for him to try out. All in all, it will hold him for about 6-8 weeks.

It is important for him to have food he actually enjoys eating because he has some kind of malabsorption syndrome left from when he was a POW. He struggles to eat enough to stay at a healthy weight, so food he enjoys makes it easier for him.

To me, this is what family does for each other. Not circle like vultures and strip the house.

 

[GrainneDhu]

My thoughts on the situation. Disappear Bob so he can't make the changes he was planning on to his estate and so he can't spend his money during his retirement years the way he wishes to. Disappearing him freezes things so to speak until a time he can be declared legally deceased. (In addition to the possibility of uncovering possible illegal activity with Mr. Harrod's assets which he was unaware of....)

It's a preventive measure of sorts, because Bob's didn't just drop dead of heartbreak shortly after his first wifes death. Instead, he moved on, picked himself up and found the happiness he sought. Sadly, that wasn't in the plans for whomever was waiting for Bob's things....

I have to add one other thing to the fear and greed suggested in the reason for Bob's disappearance. Make that two.

That someone believed Bob's remarriage was the utter betrayal to his first wife, even though she had already passed, and that someone knew of possible illegal activities so push came to shove to keep that information from being discovered.

I have to admit, I can't help but wonder which of the family members are going to be the one to stand up and come forward for Bob. If it isn't his daughters, son in law or grandson, perhaps it will be one of the greatgrandkids who overheard a conversation among the adults and has the courage to come forward with that information at some point.

I have no doubt this case will be solved and the person(s) responsible held responsible. It's just a matter of when.

The last possibility (greatgrandchild coming forward) sent a pang through me. That is too much burden for a child to bear, the knowledge that their own family has participated in something like that.

The only way I know of to prevent such a burden from damaging a child is to relieve the burden. Some adult in that child's life needs to come forward and throw the whole thing open so that no child is left with a never healing wound.

With children, it's not enough to just say "it isn't your fault." They need to see actions that convey to them that someone else has taken the responsibility or they continue to suffer.

 

[GrainneDhu]

Yes cubby, I'm getting confused about that too. I want to see the documents, but certainly do not want to see them if it puts any evidence at risk.

Sorry, little rant here - I am upset.
One of our guests here is a qualified therapist and I made the mistake of asking him what he thought of some of the statements made by family. His first question was, 'why do you want to know?'.
2 hours later the result seems to be that I am 'living amongst the dead' because I am afraid; have 'unrealistic' fears that people can commit murder, and that by pointing out he would not feel the same if one of his children went missing, I am somehow wishing them dead! He also said he totally sympathised/knew about having murderers/death in the family because his father had 'died' too.
On closer examination, his dad's not dead. He just left Mom and is living with another woman. Apparently, the only thing I should do is leave WS, stop thinking about missing people because they are dead and do not matter, and then I can find a REAL LIFE WITH LIVING PEOPLE LIKE THIS THERAPIST DID!
I am not a happy bunny about this - a therapist has just told me having a murder in the family is the same as a divorce, and it can all be cured by leaving the best missing persons' forum on the www?
ETA: The therapy was free- frankly, I would pay the man to go away at this point.
ETA: One relevant point I got out of him - he is certain that the sisters who have not asked SIL about the timeline THINK he has murdered Bob ( but i have been told to stress the think).
I am sooo upset though. How can anybody say ignore a murder in the family? How do you do that? Sorry. He's a guest in my house and I have to be polite but......

Zweibel, at least here in the US, therapy is a crap shoot. The vast majority of therapists do not follow up on their results and have very little in the way of formal research to back up their methods. That means there are a few really amazingly good therapists, most of them neither help nor hurt and a few are actively harmful.

As a dog trainer, I am aghast at such a mess. If I could not deliver on lasting results, I would have no business being paid.

As for ignoring a murder in the family, that is ridiculous. My suggestion is not to even dignify that idea by giving it any consideration at all. You seem to me to have a well developed set of ethics and beliefs, so I vote to trust them.

 

[zwiebel]

I have never had any sort of conversation with a therapist before and I found the entire thing very strange indeed. Seems Bob's thread is full of people who like to ask questions, share answers, reason their way to a conclusion. And none of you seem to think murdered people should be ignored, or murderers at large don't matter as long as they're not murdering us. I can't help but feel that's the right attitude, the sensible one.
And even though I never met Bob, I will feel very happy when he is brought home and the person/s who did this to him are brought to justice.

 

[zwiebel]

Regarding Cubby and tlcox's idea that things that happened around Bob long before he disappeared maybe more -or as -important as those last few weeks;
That could then make that heated family meeting less significant? Just a culmination of stuff that had been bubbling away for a long time. I wonder if financial consultants have the same sort of rules as attorneys? I assume Bob had an advisor and I would love to know if he/she was able to help LE with information, or not.

 

[believe09]

O/T Roasted garlic-try it, you will LOVE it. It is nothing like you think it is. I highly recommend getting a hold of garlic that someone has grown rather than grocery store garlic...it makes all of the difference.

I am so energized by this discussion and interest in Bob's case. Bless all of you for keeping up and being so interested!

 

[zwiebel]

I am going to try the roasted garlic, even though the idea makes me a little nervous. I honestly thought GrainneDhu was making a single dish with 36 cloves, and when she didn't appear for a while, I started to worry she'd taken a bite and knocked herself out or something!

 

[zwiebel]

Seeing the mention homegrown is best; I don't have garlic but a garden full of beautiful pumpkins in all colours and shapes, given to me by a neighbour. Now they're grown, neighbour tells me they're for decoration only and can't be eaten. I've never heard of a poison pumpkin. It doesn't seem right, somehow!