kiki the parrot
Former Member
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2008
- Messages
- 4,481
- Reaction score
- 11
There are certain things we've been able to observe about this family which are certainly clues to what's brought us here. I personally think it's helpful to recognize the link between the way a person was raised and how this may translate to their inability to develop empathy. I'm also interested in the difference between mental illness and evil, the cycle of generational patterns, and understanding the influences and origin of people's behaviors. I believe until we're willing to consider the source, and to look at where or from whom KC or those like her learn deceit, exploitation or manipulation, that cycle or those influences will continue uninterrupted and there will always be another KC so tragically, in turn, other victims like Caylee. Which is why I am willing to ask questions such as what causes a girl like KC, once undoubtedly every bit as sweet, blameless, innocent and adorable as her own now deceased little daughter, to become devious or indifferent. I'm not excusing her choices--rather if anything, I am saying she should have been taught limits, consequences, accountability, self-control (not to mention the value of truthfulness) all along. It isn't that I'm incapable of empathizing with CA's loss--I have (among four children) a 20 year-old daughter and two year-old granddaughter myself, for which reason if anything I've probably over-identified with CA. It's for this reason I'm probably willing to look farther to consider the root cause of all this sorrow, including the role that parenting extremes clearly play in shaping who our children become.
Interestingly, narcissism in particular is said to result specifically from an overcontrolling parent's simultaneous extremes of coddling (over-indulgence, excessive smothering) AND "beating the bad" (overly harsh and critical inacceptance of mistakes). That is to say when a child is deprived of both appropriate boundaries and discipline, AND permission to fail; when neither humility, nor reasonable limits, correction and consequences are provided, in balance, at critical stages.
Narcissistic parent- vs child-centered parenting produces narcisstic children. People w NPD are compulsive, serial liars. Witness KC's envy, exploitation, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, false inflated self... Much of which might be avoided if raised in an environment instead of GRACE (for mistakes) and TRUTH (consequences, and accountability). Instead it seems that deceit, permissiveness, self-preservation, and enablement were the order of the day, while appearances were given more importance than operating in reality.
KC must surely pay for her crimes. But if we can ever uncover some of these answers we might have a prayer of preventing this nightmare from replaying again and again or producing fewer "KCs" in the world who have learned to make the kind of selfish irresponsible choices which inflict pain on others. Unless of course one believe in demon seeds, or psycho genes. I do not. What we are seeing is, according to most psych experts, learned behavior. The pathological narcissists (and sociopath I suspect) I've known, and the majority of case histories w which I'm familiar, all have a clear identifiable history which anyone could recognize to which their lack of empathy can be linked or attributed. From what we know, there's been very little "positive and consistent" about KC's parenting or upbringing whatsoever.
After CA had been in collusion w KC's lies, letting KC off for stealing from her and virtually every other offense for 22 years, CA finally decides to act like a parent and draws the line that Father's Day--finally threatening to put KC out and hold her daughter accountable for the first time in her life. So in an odd sense KC's right then when she tells LA, "I should've been stopped a long time ago." A statement which reveals both a weakness of conscience, and a consciousness of guilt--beyond which the law will be essentially unconcerned w such nuances, coexisting disorders, contributing factors, or how KC may have come to be the (defiant, irresponsible, blameshifting, deceitful, seemingly indifferent) person she appears to sadly have become...
KC never was held accountable but sadly had her outrageously bad behavior rescued, excused, and enabled again and again, until the ultimate price was paid--by CAYLEE. "kiki the parrot" JMO
Interestingly, narcissism in particular is said to result specifically from an overcontrolling parent's simultaneous extremes of coddling (over-indulgence, excessive smothering) AND "beating the bad" (overly harsh and critical inacceptance of mistakes). That is to say when a child is deprived of both appropriate boundaries and discipline, AND permission to fail; when neither humility, nor reasonable limits, correction and consequences are provided, in balance, at critical stages.
Narcissistic parent- vs child-centered parenting produces narcisstic children. People w NPD are compulsive, serial liars. Witness KC's envy, exploitation, sense of entitlement, lack of empathy, false inflated self... Much of which might be avoided if raised in an environment instead of GRACE (for mistakes) and TRUTH (consequences, and accountability). Instead it seems that deceit, permissiveness, self-preservation, and enablement were the order of the day, while appearances were given more importance than operating in reality.
KC must surely pay for her crimes. But if we can ever uncover some of these answers we might have a prayer of preventing this nightmare from replaying again and again or producing fewer "KCs" in the world who have learned to make the kind of selfish irresponsible choices which inflict pain on others. Unless of course one believe in demon seeds, or psycho genes. I do not. What we are seeing is, according to most psych experts, learned behavior. The pathological narcissists (and sociopath I suspect) I've known, and the majority of case histories w which I'm familiar, all have a clear identifiable history which anyone could recognize to which their lack of empathy can be linked or attributed. From what we know, there's been very little "positive and consistent" about KC's parenting or upbringing whatsoever.
After CA had been in collusion w KC's lies, letting KC off for stealing from her and virtually every other offense for 22 years, CA finally decides to act like a parent and draws the line that Father's Day--finally threatening to put KC out and hold her daughter accountable for the first time in her life. So in an odd sense KC's right then when she tells LA, "I should've been stopped a long time ago." A statement which reveals both a weakness of conscience, and a consciousness of guilt--beyond which the law will be essentially unconcerned w such nuances, coexisting disorders, contributing factors, or how KC may have come to be the (defiant, irresponsible, blameshifting, deceitful, seemingly indifferent) person she appears to sadly have become...
KC never was held accountable but sadly had her outrageously bad behavior rescued, excused, and enabled again and again, until the ultimate price was paid--by CAYLEE. "kiki the parrot" JMO