hopingicanhelp
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- May 12, 2010
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BBMI agree but if you factor in the cultural traits he was raised with, and it’s a stretch, men were providers and women perhaps the care givers (nurturers) when it came to family.
JH was a good provider. He had a good job and had just moved his family into the perfect little house. One reason was to get custody of EGs boys. Being gone 2/3 of the month or more for driving time, I think she could hide an awful lot from JH.
And no there is no forgiveness for not having someone monitor her after the reports of abuse. That’s not acceptable, and he is going to live with that mistake the rest of his life.
As Marshburn said,”she had him snowed.” He had to play games with her to get to Lucas. He’s trained to do it. JH was not.
EG had a very long time to perfect her skills and only let people see what she wanted them to see. Even in death she wanted to leave an impression of poor me and when that failed she purposely planned her suicide to leave JH with a horrific last image in the home they shared.
This is along the lines of what I was thinking. Not only did EG lie and manipulate, but I wonder if JH didn't have some firmly traditional ways of thinking along with a good dose of bullheaded-ness.
I've pondered the idea that he also believed EG was too heavy-handed with Lucas, perhaps not calling it abuse but severe discipline, and that he wanted to handle his own business in his own home how he saw fit. I wonder if he thought a "firm talking to" would resolve this -- especially for such a well-behaved boy as JH described Lucas. He couldn't see that Lucas was not only trying to follow the rules, but also walking on eggshells to avoid disappointing in any way, shape, or form. It isn't healthy, but it happens in households across the world every day -- it's like @Elle*Bee mentioned about people who define harsh physical punishment as "discipline", if JH had an idea in his mind of what "abuse" looked like and this didn't fit, he would be defensive toward DCF reports of "lies." I wonder if JH needed to assuage his own guilt by believing Lucas was alive -- in JO's interview, she claimed that JH seemed to realize the truth while EG was in 72 hour hold and restricted from contact. What if he's not even been focused on protecting EG, necessarily, but himself--he couldn't deal with the truth because it meant he missed things and he was wrong and everyone else was right.
The more I try to understand, the more concerned I become for JH's mental well-being -- and yet I also wonder if there's a shared component between JH & EG in that neither like to accept responsibility. Still thinking... mooo.