NC NC - Sara Graham, 18, Fairmont, 4 February 2015 - #2

[Yvettea]

I deleted those comments but that's fine. I just thought they were confusing when I noticed PJFL said she didn't believe she ran away.

 

[Yvettea]

You know at 18 I think you are more willing to just up and leave, with or without your stuff. Lots of kids do every year, and she is used to moving and relocating because she has lived all over due to the military life. So maybe it is easier to just move on out. IDK, but I do know from personal experience that moving in with different parent and step mom and step kids it is not easy. I did it at 18 and I did not get along all that well with my step mom. It was hard.

This didn't necessarily have anything to do with the stepmom or even her dad. It may be more about her unfulfilled expectations than deficiencies in the parents or home.

 

[GigTu]

You know at 18 I think you are more willing to just up and leave, with or without your stuff. Lots of kids do every year, and she is used to moving and relocating because she has lived all over due to the military life. So maybe it is easier to just move on out. IDK, but I do know from personal experience that moving in with different parent and step mom and step kids it is not easy. I did it at 18 and I did not get along all that well with my step mom. It was hard.

I snuck off when I left my birth mother's home. I left work early that day, filled my car with my stuff and left. It was planned, but I didn't want a confrontation. She was very abusive, violent, and vengeful. Also I was rebellious and angry and didn't think she deserved to know anything about my life. However, I risked taking my stuff and stayed in contact with those I didn't think would leak info back to my mother. I don't know how long it was before she knew I was gone, but I suspect it was the same day since I never had any privacy or peace. She was really mad at me for a long time for getting one over on her. We have no relationship now.

The moral to all that is.... would Sara avoid ALL people she's ever known in her whole life? That sort of clean cut is more the cause of an abducted or incompacitated person.

 

[Yvettea]

I snuck off when I left my birth mother's home. I left work early that day, filled my car with my stuff and left. It was planned, but I didn't want a confrontation. She was very abusive, violent, and vengeful. Also I was rebellious and angry and didn't think she deserved to know anything about my life. However, I risked taking my stuff and stayed in contact with those I didn't think would leak info back to my mother. I don't know how long it was before she knew I was gone, but I suspect it was the same day since I never had any privacy or peace. She was really mad at me for a long time for getting one over on her. We have no relationship now.

The moral to all that is.... would Sara avoid ALL people she's ever known in her whole life? That sort of clean cut is more the cause of an abducted or incompacitated person.

I have known someone to leave and stay out of contact for several years. But they had already left home when the parents lost contact with them. And I've known of another who left without any warning, without taking anything, but they returned briefly to get some of their things. However they remained out of contact for the most part with their parents for approximately six months.

ETA: I think both these avoided all contact with their former life.

 

[kdg411]

I have known someone to leave and stay out of contact for several years. But they had already left home when the parents lost contact with them. And I've known of another who left without any warning, without taking anything, but they returned briefly to get some of their things. However they remained out of contact for the most part with their parents for approximately six months.

ETA: I think both these avoided all contact with their former life.

Like GigTu, I too left a 'life' and started new. Mine was due to a evil birth mother though. I've got an order of protection keeping her away still. It's sometimes easier to run in the other direction and never look back no matter how large or small your family is. It happens more often than many want to think about. Thanks for letting me ramble. : )

 

[bettiepageturner]

IMO someone who recently moved to a more exciting life would be at risk for the above mentioned "threats." Sara, even if bored and intellectually understimulated, would know the sorts of people that come and go in that type of setting by that point in her life. Now, a southern/small town girl in a big city for the first time? Might be more likely to trust an unsavory character*.. but we have no indication that Sara had any such plans to leave, especially in a way that hurts her family so terribly.

*source: GA-NYC, amazing how kind an unexpected southern accent sounds, even if it's coming from a taxi driver who's about to seriously rip you off. :iamashamed:

 

[Yvettea]

Still, if this is a case of abduction or leaving willingly Sara was very skilled at deception and able to make the parents think they had left with her. Or law-enforcement has been deceptive in saying that.

 

[kdg411]

IMO someone who recently moved to a more exciting life would be at risk for the above mentioned "threats." Sara, even if bored and intellectually understimulated, would know the sorts of people that come and go in that type of setting by that point in her life. Now, a southern/small town girl in a big city for the first time? Might be more likely to trust an unsavory character*.. but we have no indication that Sara had any such plans to leave, especially in a way that hurts her family so terribly.

*source: GA-NYC, amazing how kind an unexpected southern accent sounds, even if it's coming from a taxi driver who's about to seriously rip you off. :iamashamed:

You are correct. We haven't been able to open up any tightly sealed lips regarding Sara's past or personal life. It would be nice to have more to go on. I wish her friend in Texas would say something. Or even someone else that Sara's friends with.

 

[bettiepageturner]

... and able to make the parents think they had left with her. Or law-enforcement has been deceptive in saying that.

I'm not sure I understand.

That being said, we've certainly had a case or two where someone faked an involuntary disappearance (temporary or otherwise)... family members tend to come forward and apologize for their childrens' actions, indicate they've had a pattern of behavioral problems, etc.. Sara's parents and local LE risk sounding quite naive if they purposefully present an innocent image to the media when they suspect there's deception at play. What is the benefit to either party?

 

[granola]

I'm just going to say, I don't know how familiar any of you are with reddit, but the subreddit raisedbynarcissists (really its for anyone raised by overbearing/abusive parents) gives pretty good details on how to leave an abusive situation. Without Sara's phone, I don't know that they could know if she'd seen something like that, with instructions on how to leave and support from other people; I don't think they could get her search history from her cell provider.

However, the abrupt cut in social media and not talking to her best friend about it makes me think she is in danger/cannot contact anyone anymore for whatever reason.

 

[kdg411]

Still, if this is a case of abduction or leaving willingly Sara was very skilled at deception and able to make the parents think they had left with her. Or law-enforcement has been deceptive in saying that.

Very true...playing devil's advocate now...Sara grew up with a military parent and albeit shortly, lived with two long standing LE. She might have picked up on things herself and knew how to make herself vanish. Could she have possibly staged this herself?

 

[bettiepageturner]

I'm just going to say, I don't know how familiar any of you are with reddit, but the subreddit raisedbynarcissists (really its for anyone raised by overbearing/abusive parents) gives pretty good details on how to leave an abusive situation. Without Sara's phone, I don't know that they could know if she'd seen something like that, with instructions on how to leave and support from other people; I don't think they could get her search history from her cell provider.

However, the abrupt cut in social media and not talking to her best friend about it makes me think she is in danger/cannot contact anyone anymore for whatever reason.

I've heard good things about the support and guidance in that subreddit but I think any redditor would be buried beneath a pile of scornful comments for seriously suggesting that someone fake a disappearance and waste this many resources. In "escape advice" situations (abusive spouses, cults, etc) it's generally a list of positive, helpful resources. Including the suggestion to contact LE to debrief them on their abusers. I also can't see anyone encouraging an 18 year-old to take any such drastic action.. that's still somewhat of a "parents are so unfair" phase.

 

[bettiepageturner]

Like GigTu, I too left a 'life' and started new. Mine was due to a evil birth mother though. I've got an order of protection keeping her away still. It's sometimes easier to run in the other direction and never look back no matter how large or small your family is. It happens more often than many want to think about. Thanks for letting me ramble. : )

I can't imagine being that brave. Kudos to you for leaving a bad situation.

Out of curiosity, and feel free to disregard if it comes off personal.. how would you have acted if said birth mother reported you missing, put out flyers, appeared on TV about you, etc?

 

[kdg411]

I can't imagine being that brave. Kudos to you for leaving a bad situation.

Out of curiosity, and feel free to disregard if it comes off personal.. how would you have acted if said birth mother reported you missing, put out flyers, appeared on TV about you, etc?

I would laugh hysterically and sit back and watch from a safe distance as she chased her tail in circles. Sounds cold but when there's no love loss it's easier to do.

 

[Yvettea]

Very true...playing devil's advocate now...Sara grew up with a military parent and albeit shortly, lived with two long standing LE. She might have picked up on things herself and knew how to make herself vanish. Could she have possibly staged this herself?

The comment that you're replying to comes from a scenario I've had in mind for a while where the daughter slowly deceived her parents into believing she was coming home at nights. She became so adept at this she was able to make them believe she had left shortly before they did in the morning. As far as left together, I don't know.

 

[Yvettea]

I believe out there on your own willingly or unwillingly you are in a dangerous situation. Cutting yourself off from everything you've ever known doesn't sound wise or safe.

 

[kdg411]

I believe out there on your own willingly or unwillingly you are in a dangerous situation. Cutting yourself off from everything you've ever known doesn't sound wise or safe.

When you're 18 you know everything though, right? Safety, who thinks about that at 18?!

 

[Yvettea]

lost my message somehow. What I was trying to say is Sara could have left at the same time as her parents. An abduction or disappearance could have happened later.

 

[kdg411]

Could have happened, yes, however there's been nothing to support an abduction theory that's been made public.

 

[Yvettea]

However, the abrupt cut in social media and not talking to her best friend about it makes me think she is in danger/cannot contact anyone anymore for whatever reason.

It seems like friends are everything at that age but I've known of disappearances where they did not contact friends, or family not for support not for money, nothing. Probably afraid they would tell.