In regards to being immune to the suffering of others; it's a really petty example, but my first ever blow up with Erin was in regards to a gift she organised for another group member. Sounds kind, sounds empathetic, sounds caring.... She didn't know this person at all, and she chose a gift that I thought was kind of ... tone deaf. Borderline intrusive. It was wind-chimes, not just wind-chimes, but they were engraved (!?).
Sure, wind-chimes are lovely in general, but, when you don't know someone and the gift is loud and had an awful sound and ambience (they sounded like someone belting pots during a psychotic episode) and you don't know their decor or lifestyle... I found it a little bit opposite of thoughtful. I thought perhaps, we should all purchase something less personally intrusive but still thoughtful. Like a beautiful bunch of (real) blooms, and a thoughtful hand written card. When I pointed this out in a group chat, Erin went *troppo*. I mean, 4 days of constant bombarding paragraphs and criticisms of me. It was crazy. Unhinged. Strange.
That is when I knew something wasn't quite right.
It was in this exchange that she told me she was diagnosed with aspergers as a teen (lie) and that she didn't quite 'get' how to socially interact.
I was seriously alarmed. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I found her response to be extreme, over the top, histrionic, and I was confused. I just had an alternate opinion, but this was met with extreme anger and bombardment.
To avoid the continual drama, I stepped right back and started to observe, knowing that something was amiss here...
It's not the big things. These small moments of disproportionate reactions are everything, IMO.