^^ This in my opinion.
I can imagine, the priorities were about the same before Lilly and Jack disappeared.
For what it's worth, I agree with both of your opinions on this
@su5ie and
@FromGermany1
In my mind that MBM's priorities were what they were before and after they disappeared, perhaps one and the same?
With a gentle caveat of my own, though, that if MBM was subsuming herself to DM for her own and her three children's well being and survival in a nonideal home life situation, to, as the saying goes "go along to get along", she could have very well been in "fawn" mode, IMO.
Of the age old overarching trope of human trauma or stress response, the threesome of the "fight, flight, or fawn".
Posted upthread in MSM links I read back when:
Her father said she had been wanting to leave DM for months.
Her mother and/or grandmother said DM would hold her down and take away her phone and used the word "scared", as in she, MBM, was in a scared living situation with DM and her three children.
Her partner with anger and drug and alcohol struggles or issues he has admitted to in public.
And there were financial strains as well on their "2 years together living there" family unit.
So 6 or so months on from her giving birth to his daughter who was 18 months old at the time her 2 older children disappeared, was the nexus of their 24 months together.
Re their finances surrounding the time Lilly and Jack disappeared:
MBM was a young mom with 3 small children who was not working, so she had no steady income, except presumably, governmental assistance, which it was stated in MSM could have been recently jeopardized by DM as a custodial parent "not filing taxes" or something along those lines.
DM was a young father of 5, 2 his older ones with another mother/ex, and 1 with MBM, as well as her 2 older ones with another father/ex, and he had been laid off from full time work and was working 1 or 2 overnight shifts a week, catch as catch can, IIRC.
So although they were possibly living "for free" in the trailer home on his family's property, and Lilly and Jack were attending free public school and taking the free bus and perhaps getting free meals or snacks while at school, and they could maybe do their laundry "for free" at relative's places, and shop for essentials at the Dollarama store, and their 18 month old daughter's needs weren't much...
IMO, it was probably a very difficult financial situation to be in, with them wanting to provide play structures and a pool for the kids, which were still "in the works" on their property by DM and his family on their shared property at the time.
Anyway, what I'm leading up to here, is that, IMO, DM and MBM were possibly really struggling.
And were doing their level best to take care of their family(ies), and themselves, and it was really hard just the same, no matter what kind of help or assistance they were getting. They were still living "in rural poverty", IMO, just trying to and doing their best.
And IMO, MBM was in the most difficult situation any woman and mom could be in, with no escape hatch at the ready when her two children disappeared, until they did, and she ran from an incredibly fraught and difficult living situation right away, and did what she did to survive and protect herself and Meadow.
I realize there are many sides to every story, and there is no hard evidence MBM was in a domestic violence (DV) situation, or wasn't in control of her own life and able to make her own decisions for herself or her children utilizing the resources she had to hand.
However, finally getting to my point...
IMO, she could have been flat out scared and alone living there with him and on the auspices of his family, and sort of estranged from hers (e.g., can only hint things are a bit going sideways, but can't say what exactly if she is a "kept woman", again just able to care for her youngest foremost and herself and Lilly and Jack as best she could relying on DM who was trying too)...
And she had been beyond desperate to get away from DM of late, for months on end possibly, and was barely holding her head above water.
I don't think anyone can truly imagine what her life was really like, nor how disempowered she felt or was going through at the time her sweet kids didappeared...
The duress and stress she could have been under could have been insurmountable, and if she had "no quarter", she had to revert to:
"flight" -- leaving her home of 2 years where she was a victim of circumstance, IMO
After "fight" and "fawn" didn't work -- trying to tell people what was going on and trying to keep the peace and DM holding her down and taking her phone/lifeline away.
She has my utmost respect and empathy as a mother and possible victim of DV under a possibly horrifying home life situation she had no easy way out of, IMO.
One final note, is, by the way, in some countries/provinces just verbal abuse or threatening behavior or coercive control on the part of their partner is legally considered DV.
And the government provides a stipend of up to $5,000 for a woman subject to DV, even if "just verbal or coercive control" to relocate to a place where she will be safe.
In Australia, for example.
In other countries too.
